Haunting
by Sweetest Days
Summary: Fuma won't release Kamui from his ties to him even though the love has rotted. Kamui is drowning in his destiny and his cries for freedom when Subaru appears. With a chance for living again Kamui must decide to hold onto a past… or grasp at uncertain possibilities with a man just as shattered a he is. K/F K/S S/S mainly and others as it progresses.
1. Bloody Rose

_**Summary**_: Fuma won't release Kamui from his ties to him even though the love has rotted. Kamui is drowning in his destiny and his cries for freedom when Subaru appears. With a chance for living again Kamui must decide to hold onto a past… or grasp at uncertain possibilities.

_**Author note:**_ I have only watched the anime and movie and the first couple volumes of the manga so my information may not always be perfectly correct. But I loved the dynamic between both Kamui and Fuma and then Subaru and Seishiro. And then I watched and read reservoir chronicles and that was when the idea of them being an item popped and grabbed onto my yaoi infected brain. (Yes it is an infection. One I am not inclined to try and halt because… come one, if you didn't understand would you be here?)

This chapter is set up to go through Kamui's feelings.

I took some writers privilege to twist the events a little to make it seem more sexual and loving.

_**Disclaimer:**_ The characters belong to Clamp. And I am in no way part of that group of talented ladies. If I was then the artwork would suffer!

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**Chapter start**

Kamui didn't think he ran away so much as he had become adept at avoiding.

When he was a child he had often played with Fuma on the other child's Nintendo and it was then that he first thought Fuma was old-fashioned in a way. It was odd for a child, when you really thought about it. But it was the truth.

Fuma had little care for the newer game stations out like play station. He preferred the old graphics and he had a possible obsession with Mario. Kamui loved to play with him even if he had slower reflexes and was more easily distracted, making him lose more often than not.

Then he had a dream. It wasn't particularly scary, when he thought back to it, but to a child it had seemed to be terrifying and tinged with a hint of betrayal. In this nightmare he had been playing the game with Fuma like always. Contrary to his usual experiences with gaming one of the monsters had burst through the screen and proceeded to tear into Kamui's stomach while Fuma watched with disinterested eyes.

He had awoken screaming, choking on Fuma's name, desperate pleas flooding from between his lips. It had been Fuma who cradled him until he was able to only cling to his shirt that had grown damp in Kamui's river of sobs. Fuma had waved his parents away and allowed Kotori to stay when Kamui murmured her name but even with Kotori close Kamui wouldn't relinquish his hold on the year older boy.

Then again he never played the game with Fuma again either. He never admitted his fear of it but he was certain Fuma knew, knew and never taunted him with the knowledge. Kamui was ashamed. He had his first practice at avoiding then, using Kotori as an excuse. Rather than play with Fuma he would monopolize Kotori and even though he did have fun with her, as much fun as with Fuma, he couldn't dispel that niggling guilt.

He couldn't prevent himself from slipping into Fuma's room often with Kotori and watching his friend play the game either.

His second chance for practice came courtesy of his mother, whom he loved, but he wondered if her affection hadn't been tinged with fear and perhaps a tad of resentment for the way she had lost her best friend, Kotori and Fuma's mother, and been forced to move from town to town to protect him, the "Kamui."

He couldn't have blamed her if she did. It would have hardly been her fault, it was all his. She was simply caught in the tide of destiny, unable to struggle and simply bowing to it.

But his avoidance technique wouldn't have been so strong if he had maybe had stability in his early life. He had been forced to abandon his two special people too soon for comfort.

The pain of that had been unbearable for a nine year old boy, memories clogging him. He had once felt betrayed by a dream version of Fuma until he had shaken it away as silly… how much more must the other boy feel betrayed by Kamui who couldn't even be bothered to attend his Mother's funeral or say goodbye?

He never wanted to feel that again so it became a useless and stupid endeavor for him to try and make friends with others. He had tried in that first town they moved to. Aching with loneliness he had reached out. But it had all snapped to pieces when he accidentally showed off his abilities when he and another child were threatened by bullies.

His mother had wasted zero time. Before he could blink he had been pulled from the school, the house had been packed and left empty of any trace of them and they had been gone.

"Kamui it's alright." His mother had soothed him when he cried, blaming himself. "There isn't any reason for you to take all the blame onto yourself. From now on just be careful okay?"

He had agreed wholeheartedly and had intended to keep that promise. It wasn't enough to stop the many other times they had been forced to move with the swiftness of a breeze when he felt cornered and used his abilities.

When the pattern had been established Kamui had decided making friends was useless. It was easier to avoid the children who tried to befriend him before they knew what he could do. It was easier to close himself down and yet be fiery when pushed. Kamui had a temper and that could never change.

There was no point to forming relationships that were so easily shattered either by the moving or by his power. Kamui never wanted to feel the pain of betrayal like he had by leaving Fuma and Kotori and he never wanted the rejection of the children in that very first town.

So he allowed them to blur in his head.

Eventually he had become so used to his ruthless and cold way of living he wondered if anything could thaw his heart again. He cradled the memories of Fuma and Kotori to his heart and only allowed them and his mother to warm themselves at his inner core.

Kamui had eventually been able to control his abilities enough to allow them to settle in a town for more than two years. He had remained aloof from the students but it hadn't been enough to stop some of them from flocking to him. He had also been vaguely aware of the girls giggling when he passed by. Despite it all he still remained unsympathetic, not allowing himself to care about his so called friends.

Then came that awful fire… and the need to fulfill his mother's final request.

It was hilarious that he had actually believed he could retrieve that damned sword, the sacred sword that was his, with little fuss and then vanish.

Fate was like a very bad wine with destiny being the miserable stomach ache you felt after drinking too much. It had been his fate, he scoffed, to be stuck in Tokyo even though his heart demanded otherwise.

He had a few comforts that he would rather have avoided. Sadly Kamui had found he was rather weaker than he originally thought. He had a simple grasp on his abilities and he was rather reckless with them. Perhaps his penchant for reckless behavior is what made him surrender so completely.

Everyone had believed him and Kotori would become a couple, that he loved her in that way.

They had all believed that she was his most special person and over the years Kamui had done a bang up job of almost tricking himself to believing it. Yet when he saw her in that window and made the instant connection, had been confronted by her on that roof he desired to hug her. But he had no other desire and it was easier than he believed possible to turn away from her and push aside the hurt in his heart. He had to protect her from this no matter what.

But Fuma… Fuma filled him and made him weaker than he ever was, Fuma made him want to lean on him to feel protected. He would always protect Kotori… but Fuma was the only one who would protect Kamui.

Fuma had proven it when he was wounded and, despite the venom and standoffish attitude Kamui had spouted at him, Fuma had followed him to the hotel anyway. Sure, he had let Sorata in too but he had also grilled the other teen while he thought Kamui was out cold. Gentle hands had tended to his wounds. When he placed the bandage against his cheek the fingers had glided down into a caress of his bone structure.

Kamui had felt that touch burn into his very soul. It had taken all his strength not to tremble and he didn't understand it, not at all. Sleep had not come as an easy thing to accept when he felt the presence of Sorata in the room as well but it was a doomed battle. Fuma was there… Kamui could sleep with him there…

Nightmares had taunted him awake and he reached in reality just as he had in sleep to try and save his mother. Fuma had caught him and clutched him gently.

"You shouldn't move around so much, Kamui." Fuma was gentle as he felt the trembles, probably feeling they were from pain… how wrong he was, though some were, most were in fact more of those involuntary and confusing shots to his heart.

"That must have been some dream… Hey Kamui, are you hungry?" Sorata had been beaming in his enthusiasm and it served to remind Kamui he might not have been safe as he thought. "I bought these just for you. No need to thank me. This is what friends do!"

At the words from a stranger Kamui turned his head away and closed his eyes. He felt the sweat dripping down his body and wasn't fond of it. Sorata went on and on and again Kamui felt Fuma's fingers ghost against him as he placed a cold press against his forehead. He suppressed the trembles and feigned sleep.

After a moment Fuma had left after Sorata spouting off how he was a friend, he would take care of Kamui. Kamui had wondered with some scorn if by "take care of" he meant in the way Fuma assumed or was meaning a more permanent and deadly form of care.

Sorata Arisugawa was this strangers name and he brought with him the ability to instantly anger Kamui. Talking so cavalierly about his mother was simply unacceptable and Kamui was not one to let a slight against his carefully drawn lines pass. If the man wasn't so damned stubborn with his need to be with Kamui for destinies sake Kamui might have been more amicable in the beginning… nah.

Events had unfolded with further misery and weakness on his part. It had taken so long for him to begin to fold under Fuma's steadfast determination and Kotori's gentle presence. He had not planned to attend the funeral but there was a prickling.

Guilt would have ridden him worse so he swallowed his need to avoid and had gone to Kotori after the other guests had left. Guilt attacked him anyway when he was targeted by the Sakurazukamori and Kotori had nearly fallen to her death. Kamui had been aware of the parallel to the past and present and recalled when he had held her from her death in that tree so many years ago.

Fuma had saved them… Fuma had shattered the illusion though Kamui had no idea how he had managed it. Then he had spouted the oddest things.

"Fuma…" he had murmured, conscious of the fact something was off and this was not the Fuma that normally peeked at him through those eyes. He was more aware and distracted by the way Fuma held him firmly and confidently, one hand on the small of his back and the other grasping his chin to force Kamui to tilt his head and look at him. He was forced to let go of Kotori's hand to accommodate the awkward bend to his spine.

"See me for what I am." Fuma had ordered. "I am your… twin star…"

Kamui had gasped when he felt warm breath cross his lips and had frozen even further. Before the action could be completed Fuma had blinked and was returned to the way he was…

Kamui cursed himself for feeling slightly disappointed. This was Fuma, one of his important people… it would be beyond wrong to expect and even covet such a gesture of affection from him. Once again Kamui avoided his feelings and swallowed them down like a bitter pill, losing again a moment he might have realized something even more important.

When Sorata and Arashi had appeared and Fuma made it clear he remembered nothing Kamui had dropped Kotori in his arms. He had remained stonily silent through Fuma's searching look, falling under his false indifference to distance himself. Sorata had said after Fuma looked upset by Kamui's rejection… it had been made to sound offhand but Kamui now recognized that Sorata had known the truth even before Kamui.

His next moment with Fuma had been on that night when his Aunt, Tokiko Magami had given birth to his sacred sword.

"Kotori is having nightmares again." Fuma told him in his usual mild voice.

"Nightmare?" Kamui had murmured softly, his mind quiet soft in that moment. Dreams had haunted him of him and Fuma, leaving him weak and longing.

"She and I had the same dream. In which you and I… tried to kill each other…" Kamui had jerked his head around in sudden sharpness to find Fuma looking at him as well. Unlike Fuma who had determined eyes Kamui's resembled those of a trapped deer.

So Kamui told him everything he had been avoiding. He told him of the destiny his mother died to protect. Fuma didn't blink through the telling and took the initiative to demand more detailed responses of the life Kamui had lived far from them. So Kamui was forced to explain his hard shell, why he had it, and why he did his best to repulse even him and Kotori.

When he mentioned how he had cried after them for months Fuma stiffened and his eyes narrowed slightly, a hand reaching but halting when Kamui shifted slightly away, still unsure and weary and hesitant to drop all his barriers, even with this one person who was so very special.

So he avoided it again by moving forward in his explanation to how cruel he had become. He had beat people almost daily simply because he could, using his powers to guarantee the victory, accepting all challenges. He had come to believe with total honesty that anyone foolish enough to challenge him had better be prepared to die by him. He wanted Fuma to be disgusted with the way he had allowed the Kamui he had known to be buried for comfort sake.

By now Fuma had sat down against the tree Kamui leaned on. The moon had risen high in the sky and Kamui wondered where Tokiko was. He waited for a pile of hate to follow his words. He ignored the prick of pain he felt and prepared for scorn from his special person.

Fuma was none of those things… he was not disgusted and he was not angry with his mother's death even though Kamui was. Kamui would forever carry that guilt, the weight of those bodies always on his shoulders. His mother… possibly the seals one day... and who knew how many other deaths would weigh him down before the end.

"And that's… all I know." Kamui finished.

"What is this… divine sword? What is it supposed to be?" Fuma carefully asked.

Though he was surprised by the question he answered. "It is… the sword needed for the final battle… between the dragons of earth and the dragons of heaven. And I'll have to use my powers as well." Kamui sighed.

"So… what now?"

Fuma's voice brought Kamui back. He absently dug in his pocket for the letter he had received from his Aunt, delivered by Karen.

"It depends… on if what this letter says is true."

Fuma rose up to look it over.

"And her giving you this sword…" Fuma looked at him after he had read the letter. "Will that solve all if this?"

Kamui closed his eyes against the gaze. "I don't know if it will or not… but either way… you and Kotori… I don't want Fuma and Kotori involved with any of this."

Fuma softened his gaze and reached out, more sure perhaps. He touched Kamui and murmured his understanding.

"But Kamui… I made you a promise too. I promised to protect you no matter what and I intend to keep that promise."

His eyes were serious and determined, a pressure to his usually soft mouth that looked suddenly stern and yet so inviting…

Kamui couldn't resist anymore and he couldn't avoid. He let Fuma draw him into a hug. The way he was being cradled made him feel safe and warm. Even if he was inclined to do so he could not have moved thanks to all his strength turning to jelly. He couldn't even clasp Fuma back he was filled with such contentment and the feeling of being cherished.

"Finally… we can return to the way things used to be." Fuma said quietly, his lips ghosting in Kamui's hair. "If you need anything just ask. I would do…" a brief hesitation. "Anything for you, Kamui and so would Kotori. So I want you to ask."

At the mention of Kotori after the hesitation Kamui drew back. It was not his place to feel so safe in his best friend's arms. It was his job to protect them, not the other way around. But Fuma was watching him closely and with expectation. He had allowed Kamui to withdraw physically but he kept him emotionally in the moment, tethered by his eyes and the hand he kept on the shorter boys shoulder.

"Okay…" Kamui consented when he could think of no way to dodge short of throwing his false personality in the way. "I'll ask you… Fuma…"

Fuma nodded and was prepared to draw Kamui back to him when Kamui stiffened and looked to the shrine…

"Stay here…" He had been adamant and left Fuma.

The only thing in the shrine had been horror in the making. Kamui had listened to Tokiko and been thrown into more pain at the thought of Fuma's mother having died for the first divine sword. He had suspected… ever since he knew that Fuma's Father guarded it. But to hear it was another thing.

And then Tokiko herself was there glowing and rising to the air. A terror had settled over Kamui, a need for at the least this woman not die for him. This woman who had never even known her nephew, he saw no reason for her destiny to be this.

In a moment of crystal clarity he saw her death being added to his growing pile of bodies and he reached out, desperate to save this woman where he had failed his own mother.

Fuma had halted him and held him tightly. Then there had been horror.

Blood… blood everywhere… and the sword where once a healthy thirty year old woman stood. It had splattered to the far corners and was seeping across the floorboards. It had found purchase on Kamui and Fuma as well. Kamui was dimly thinking about just how much of the harsh crimson flowed through a human body, staggered by the amount.

Then Kotori was there, screaming in a raw and harsh way. Fuma had grabbed her, screaming back that it wasn't their mother to Kotori who continued to sob and cry.

She had broken away and went for Tokiko's head. Kamui had grabbed her just as she managed to get it. He dismissed the way it felt against him.

"Kotori look at me!" He cried desperately as she muttered about the blood being her mothers, so much of it, as she clutched at the head in her arms. "Look at me and just me!"

His eyes met Fuma's, tears reflected in both their gazes.

Things had advanced swiftly after that with the arrival of Nokoru Imonoyama, principal of clamp academy.

"It seems we were too late…" Imonoyama murmured.

"Just stay away… or I'll kill you, understand?" Kamui snapped as he clutched at Kotori, wishing for her return.

Imonoyama must have been stupid, Kamui thought, or suicidal. He didn't heed Kamui and instead removed his coat, placing it around the babbling Kotori. He gently disentangled the head from her arms. Kamui and Fuma tensed, expecting her to go in a fit of anger but she didn't, merely mumbling more.

When they were in the helicopter Kamui took note of Fuma looking at him. "I should never have returned to Tokyo. All I wanted to do was protect the people I loved but they…!" He choked back his words, feeling unworthy to even utter them.

"Kamui… you can't blame yourself."

Kamui glanced at him. "Are you saying this was destiny too? I won't… accept that…" He turned to Kotori. "She wouldn't be like this if it weren't for me! Kotori would be… damn!"

When they got to the school Imonoyama wasted little time. He had Kotori taken to a room, promising her safety and sending someone to stay with her. Fuma and Kamui went with them.

Imonoyama explained all that Tokiko had told him. She had advised him to tell Kamui to put the divine sword into a comatose state until the promised day.

It was later when they were all in a room that Kamui finally let go. Tears flicked down his cheeks as he glanced over to Fuma and Kotori. Kotori was playing in the in ground pool, her hands dipping playfully in the liquid. Her mind seemed shattered. She made no sign that she even knew who Kamui or Fuma was.

Kamui felt familiar arms wrapping around him and he opened his eyes to look at Fuma. His eyes were gentle and filled with a concern Kamui felt he didn't deserve at all.

"Kotori said you were crying." Fuma murmured as he held him.

Kamui felt his eyes go wide. "Kotori can recognize us now?!" He tried to look over the broad shoulder but Fuma caught him again.

Sadly he shook his head and then, seeming possessed, he turned and let Kamui see. Kotori was leaning further and further off her pedestal. They reacted immediately when she fell into the pool.

Kamui reached her first, diving in after her. He pulled her to the surface with strong kicks and brought her safely to the edge where Fuma waited. Kotori giggled a little as though it was funny.

"Water… water pretty…" She said clearly. "I love… water… where Kamui is."

Kamui tried to ignore the twinge in his heart at her words. Fuma had dull eyes as he listened to his sister and her nonsensical sentences.

This was his fault. Kamui thought it as Fuma pulled Kotori from the water and he followed. As though he knew his thoughts Fuma shook his head and, clutching his sister with one hand he brought Kamui into his other arm, holding him just as firm and tenderly as he had before.

Kamui felt that familiar rush, tingling up his spine and piercing him. Kamui wondered how in this moment he could be feeling this again… it had happened so often when he saw Fuma, from the moment he returned to Tokyo in fact. He was always being thrown off balance with only Fuma able to return his equilibrium for him.

It was even better when Fuma held him or brushed him in any way. His body would quiver and his spine would soften, allowing himself to lean more on the larger in every way teen. His best friend… one of his special people. Fuma… and Kotori…

But only Fuma aroused this gnawing feeling in his gut, a tightening of his stomach muscles. It was an odd thing Kamui couldn't understand, as his every muscle and bone seemed to naturally bend to Fuma. His mind played horrible tricks and made him stare at Fuma's lips, made him admire the way the muscles had rippled in Fuma's arms and legs when he had played in that basketball game.

Longing to touch and be touched… longing to taste…

Kamui sighed softly and shook his head as he burrowed against Fuma's shoulder. He was disgusting. Kotori was in such a state and he needed to protect her and be strong enough to hold her. He needed to not take so much comfort. He needed to give it!

Yet here he was… weak and soft and everything he needed to not be for Kotori's sake.

"I want…" He started but trailed off. His Aunt had said it was time… he needed to decide what side he fell on.

Kamui cared little for the people of earth. Perhaps if they had been wiser then this hated destiny wouldn't have been thrust on him. He fully acknowledged that perhaps humanity was nothing more than a parasite that had spent millennia feeding on mother earth. He admitted that perhaps it would be better for the long run to let it all reset, let the earth heal.

But… Fuma… and Kotori… they needed… he needed to…

Kamui pulled back a little to look at Fuma. He might not have understood just what the odd things Fuma brought from him were but he was crystal clear on one thing.

"All I want is for Fuma and Kotori to be happy… to protect that happiness is everything."

"Kamui…"

"I want to protect the place where you two are happiest. That's all." Kamui finished.

"So you've chosen… to save the world as it is, not a revolution."

"…Fuma?"

"Since you have chosen to be a dragon of heaven… destiny demands I become a dragon of earth to fill the empty spot of power."

Kamui was aware that there had been a shift. With shock and a tinge of fear he realized… this wasn't his Fuma!

Before he could think or act he found himself thrown into a wall. The last thing he saw before he collapsed was Fuma collecting the sword Kamui had leaned against the wall and lifting Kotori, who had also fainted and carrying her with little respect.

Perhaps only ten minutes later he was awoken by tremors going through the floor and wall, debris crashing around him. His first thought was on Fuma and Kotori as he registered the building seemed to be losing stability. Were they alright?

He ran to the roof. What he saw froze his blood and made his mind reel.

"KOTORI!" He shouted her name, fear pushing past the ice his blood had become.

Before he could make it to her, to tear her from that horrible wire prison that held her captive wires bound him as well, wrapping and coiling around his flesh and pulling him backward. He was yanked from his feet before slamming into a piece of the wall. There was no time to prepare before a sharp and wet pain went through his hand and impaled it there. He screamed, unable to help it.

"Such a powerful voice Kamui." Fuma said with a darker, not soft voice.

"Do you have… any idea what you're doing?" Kamui asked with as much strength as he could muster.

"Of course…" Fuma chided him. Kamui couldn't even blink as suddenly he was further impaled by long shards of glass.

A small river of blood floated from his mouth and slipped down his chin and neck. He felt all the blood from him cooling in the night air with a startling swiftness. This wasn't… right.

"Fuma…" Kamui muttered weakly. He needed to fight… needed to struggle. This wasn't his Fuma!

Try as he might though that same curious weakness came over him when Fuma grabbed his chin. The same tightening of muscles. Lie to himself as much as he could he couldn't convince himself his weakness was from blood loss. He was being dominated for a reason unclear to him, playing the part of submissive victim while Kotori was up there within sight, helpless.

"You shall be a dragon of heaven… and I shall be a dragon of earth. I shall kill the seven seals… along with anyone who has desecrated this mother earth."

Fuma bent his head so close to Kamui's, lips a centimeter away… he hated it, hated it and himself, that his body stilled and he wanted it… why?

Then Fuma tilted further and lapped at the blood running down Kamui's Adams apple in a mockery of the affection Kamui had unconsciously longed for and craved with growing need. It caused a trail of fire where the wet muscle went and Kamui couldn't halt the choked gasp as a piece of the fire went down his stomach to settle in his lower regions.

"There's something… wrong with you… Fuma!" He choked the name out when Fuma bit his neck and shifted his leg in a taunting manner between Kamui's.

Fuma chuckled at what his thigh encountered and Kamui couldn't help but close his eyes slightly when he rubbed deliberately at the bulge. He was a sick, sick bastard!

"Of course there is." Fuma chuckled. "This is our destiny."

With that he ripped the sword from his hand and was gone while Kamui cried out again. Kamui let his head fall forward as he sighed out.

He raised his eyes to see… Fuma over Kotori…

"Fuma, no!" He yelled out, trying to rip from the wires cutting into him. His wrists split from his struggles and the blood gushed down to make his arms sticky.

"Big… brother…" A return of sanity it seemed on the part of Kotori. She recognized Fuma! Kamui cried out that she would know, she would know… while he, her sworn protector could only watch.

All he could do was struggle while he watched with tears in his eyes as the sword made an arc. It was tragic just how elegant the sweep was, arcing gracefully under its master's direction. Even the blood that flew out as it sliced easily into the mortal coil was somehow elegant as it rose into the air and then fell to splatter the ground, a macabre masterpiece.

The sword was impaled tightly and now it was its will only that kept the limp body from being shredded by the wires. Kamui no longer fought against his own bonds as he went limp. Fuma… killed…

"Ko… Kotori…" The words were ripped from his throat, the name a plea on his lips. Disbelief… this couldn't be reality.

Fuma smirked down at him. Where were the friendly eyes that reminded Kamui of a calm port… where was the desired protector, friend…

"You're next then Kamui."

Before he could move the body moved. Kamui felt a small twinge of hope, had she somehow survived? But the eyes… no, this was not his Fuma and that was not his Kotori's soul inside the shell of her now.

Before Fuma could do anything a yell rent the air. "Kamui!"

Sorata… Sorata had… come…

"Next time Kamui… I will kill you." Fuma promised.

With cruel intent he reached out and unlocked the sword from its temporary job as a hold against gravity.

Kamui couldn't even yell as he watched as the body fell against the razor sharp wires, feeling no resistance it shredded. The pieces flew down at the same rate of the blood. When Fuma left the scene completely the binds on Kamui unfolded.

He had been holding him there with his power. Of course… hadn't Kamui always admitted Fuma as the stronger of the two? Of course Kamui's strength would fall short.

He was unable to stop his body's movements. He had Kotori's head in his arms, cradling it just as she had cradled Tokiko's head.

He had failed… he had failed… Kotori… and Fuma, he had failed to protect anything he wanted to. His sobs stopped and only tears flowed. There was no way to let the mind express the great weight crashing in him like a tidal wave.

His own weakness… wanting Fuma to be there always, wanting Fuma to be happy… then his more selfish and hidden wants… wanting Fuma's lips, wanting to slip inside him and drown in Fuma's scent as Fuma drowned in his… wanting to know what it was like to be held in more than a protective or caring way… what was it? What was this elusive and now bitterly painful feeling, as though his heart was fracturing into little pieces that would amount to little more than glass dust, impossible to repair?

Fuma had killed Kotori… willingly… no… eagerly.

"Kamui." Sorata's voice seemed so far away…

Kamui couldn't summon any energy to look up. Dimly he was aware… he must have looked a mess. His wrists were torn open, spilling blood on Kotori's face. His shirt was stained and there were still shards of glass imbedded into his chest and arms. Blood, he was kneeling in it. He had become part of the masterpiece Fuma had created.

No that was wrong. The old masterpiece had been of a girl crucified while a crying boy watched… this was a sequel. And it was all the more bloody.

He couldn't… this wasn't reality. There was no way. His Fuma was good, decent, and kind. He would never kill Kotori, he would never hurt Kamui. He would never take the secret longings of his soul and toy with him like that.

His mind was collapsing. He knew it and did nothing to halt it, he didn't even struggle as he was buried under the weight of the night's events.

By the time Sorata was beside him Kamui was as empty as the pieces of Kotori's shredded body. His eyes were dead, not even tears flowing from him; nobody was home behind the eyes. It didn't matter… he deserved it, to be crushed by this guilt. It was safer to stay in his mind.

It hurt, oh it hurt. But here locked in his mind the pain was more tolerable. He deserved the misery as he watched it replay only this time he was a child.

It was avoidance at its finest. Here he could avoid the harsh reality of his destiny.

If he was a child then it wasn't his fault… it wasn't his fault that he had let Fuma do those things to him, it wasn't his fault Kotori was dead because he was weak and failed.

Those things… often in the past month he had wondered why he had these cravings. He questioned the fact he almost needed to search out Fuma. He loved Kotori as well, she was a special person as well. But it was Fuma who made him burn and ache, who made him feel protected, who had taken the need to be perfect for Kotori away. The only person that had made him feel he could be himself without worrying about destiny or what the universe expected him to be like.

As Kamui watched, trapped in his mind, various scenes of him and Fuma and Kotori playing together, of him saving Kotori that first time, of Fuma holding him… and then watched his expressions when Fuma toyed with him, pressing intimately and felt again that longing… from this side vision… watched his movements when the sword again played out its deadly moves…

Oh… oh, gods… he understood. He understood it, that feeling… And he shattered again. And again… and again.

"Don't kill… Fuma."

End chapter

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Author note: So next time I think I'm going to do the chapter from Fuma or Subaru. It depends on the next inspiration strike. I'll tell you now I started this today and I finished it around three. I am proud of myself!

If you have a preference on who I do next let me know! I'm influenced by majority.

Also please review. I am on this site to improve after all so every ones opinion is precious to me.


	2. Bloody wish

_Author** note:**_ So this chapter is Subaru with Seishiro and him saving Kamui. I hope you all like. Again, I'm taking my yaoi love to make some scenes yummier.

_**Koryandrs:** _Thanks for the review and the tip! Me being the dope I am I had to go look up what ellipses were. I realized I was peppering them pretty heavily. I hope that I improved that in this chapter!

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing.

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Chapter start

The first moment Subaru came into contact with Kamui he was rather surprised. Not because of the blood or even the rather disturbing scene that surrounded the boy. He was an onmyoji. On occasion he had seen scenes like this that had hardened him somewhat to the initial brutality. The macabre scene wouldn't begin to make his stomach queasy for at least another hour or so.

No, he was surprised because he had expected the leader of the dragons of heaven to be more. He had thought the leader of the dragons of heaven would be older. At the least he thought he'd be as old as Subaru.

The last thing he had expected was a teenager. He was a teenager right? It was slightly hard to tell. Kamui was hunched over a girls head so Subaru couldn't actively judge his height though he suspected it wasn't so tall. And he was so delicate looking, small in comparison to Subaru and Sorata.

Then he heard Sorata yell at the boy his name. Subaru tilted his head slightly to look at the scene more closely and he was struck again by something else when he focused on Kamui's face. In the end this was the one thing he felt he would take away from the scene.

Kamui looked tragic.

The boy who knelt in a pool of blood and was bloodied himself. The small body tilted a little bit forward like he was off balance. His arms were cradling a head that was covered in long curls, the tips soaking up some of the blood they scattered in. the eyes were dead and Subaru had a moment of instant recognition of that state, realization blanketing him.

Sorata was still saying his name while Arashi prayed, her hands gently clasped. Subaru believed she was a miko of some kind so she might have been seeing if the spirit of the dead girl had passed perhaps.

That head was somehow irksome. The images before him were horrific enough without that.

Subaru kept quiet however when Sorata lifted Kamui in his arms and the head stayed with the boy. He politely gestured for Arashi to go ahead of him when she paused before him. Subaru was nothing if not polite after all.

Before he followed his fellow dragons he glanced back at the scene with a certain need to imprint it for some reason. Without the boy there it seemed somehow more and yet somehow less at the same time, confusing him and causing him to shake his head.

The body had been scattered, pieces lying rather obscenely with strips of fabric, he thought it had been a pale pink color, was fighting against being covered in the red.

After a moment he followed after them. A part of him wanted to flee. Subaru had no stake in this war. The fate of the planet might have interested him when he was sixteen before he had been broken. Now it was rather tedious to even think about it on any long term level.

There wasn't a single part of him that was willing to accept the destiny that was dogging his steps. If it was up to him he never would have even met the two dragons who tracked him down through his grandmother. All he wanted was one thing and he couldn't see how helping them save a world he didn't care about would benefit him.

But he was incapable of leaving at the moment. That moment of recognition had bound him to that unlikely leader. So he followed Arashi to a room, watched as Sorata laid the boy down with utmost care and tenderness that didn't register on the empty ones face. The deadened eyes tilted forward to stare blankly at the head as though hypnotized.

Subaru didn't want to see it anymore. With quick steps he was away from the room and staring out a window. Somehow looking at Tokyo seemed wiser than studying someone who had become little better than a corpse.

Time passed at an agonizing slowness. At erratic intervals Sorata and Arashi would take turns going to try and rouse Kamui. Subaru could have told him that it wasn't any help. Kamui was locked away where voices couldn't reach and touches weren't felt.

More of the seals were arriving. First was a man with glasses and a rather honest face. Subaru pegged him as a family man. A little while later a young girl with short black hair arrived with a wolf trotting at her side. A spirit guide… lovely.

She was already crying.

"I should have known better than to leave him alone." Sorata was saying, heaping the blame rather uselessly on top of himself. "This is all my fault."

Subaru closed his eyes as his mind flashed him an image of Kamui. "Actually this is all my fault. You would have been with Kamui if I hadn't delayed you in Kamukura."

"No-"

"This is useless." Arashi interrupted.

Subaru nodded his head slightly. Without a word he passed the crying girl and went into the hall. He couldn't leave now. That boy was in danger. There were too many parallels. He was sure… Hokoto would understand.

He put the call into his grandmother. She wasn't at all surprised that he was saying these things. Subaru supposed he shouldn't find that odd. She was the former head after all. There was no telling how much ability she still possessed in those old bones.

After he hung up he glanced at the sky and thought about various things. Things involving the ever elusive Sakurazukamori. He brought to mind the face and body, the way the hands had always been firm and unyielding when he managed to bring Subaru close. At the time he had no idea how much blood those hands had absorbed, didn't know the mocking laughter that existed behind that pleasant and gentle smile.

This was a situation too close to hitting chords inside Subaru he had believed to be long gone. The desire to really help another hadn't been in him for so long. He had continued his duties as a mixture of selfishness and family decree. He was the head and therefore he had no choice but to use his powers.

At the bottom of that though was pure selfish. He wanted Seishiro to chase him. He wanted to kill that man. He wanted to gain the strength to banish him from his heart forever and to finish him so he could no longer be a plague on Subaru's mind.

This boy was now like him. He was in a catatonic state. It might have been kinder to leave him to it. Perhaps the boy was reliving happier times in that state of lies.

Abruptly Subaru left the phone booth and swiftly went to return to the room.

Subaru wasn't a fool and he wasn't going to allow himself to believe such a lie. When he had been in that state, crushed under the truth of the man he loved, he had not been "happier." He had relived every single moment with him under extreme duress, knowing each gesture Seishiro had made was false. That scene of Hokoto had replayed with a mercilessness he couldn't deny was scarring. There had been no change and, in that dreamlike nightmare, he had been unable to change the fate of him and his sister.

With that knowledge he opened the door. Sorata was going on about how Kamui might end up staying like that, all walled up in his heart. The girl with the spirit guide was sobbing into her hands. Subaru wondered briefly if she was very close to Kamui or if she was just unused to such situations.

He would believe her naivety.

Without acknowledging them he walked past Sorata and opened the door to Kamui's room.

"What are you doing?" Sorata demanded when Subaru paused a moment in the frame, rather hesitant to invade the picture of Kamui.

Cleaned up and bandaged, lounging against the headboard in nothing but a white cotton robe Kamui could have been waiting for a lover. Subaru didn't doubt that in the coma he was with the lover he desired, just in the way he didn't want him. The only thing that shattered the vague impression was the head and the dead eyes and the blood that had dotted the robe from the head.

At this angle Subaru could better view the face. He had to admit that Kamui was rather attractive. He wasn't handsome or beautiful he was just one of those people you had to take more than one look at. It was as though fate had to be crueler by making the person who would fight for the world the epitome of delicate fragility.

"I'm going to go into Kamui's consciousness." He said as he settled himself in front of the boy.

His eyes encountered the head and felt a moment of disgust. With gentle and respectful hands he took it from Kamui. The boy didn't stir, further proving that Kamui was farther gone than even Sorata realized. Had he been still close in any way he would have repulsed the attempt to take the head.

It was rather obscene to place it on the dresser where the blood seeped onto the wood in a slow drip. Subaru didn't know what else to do with it though. It wasn't like any of the others were close enough to the girl to want to hold her head.

"Going into his mind?" Arashi asked. "But it's too dangerous!"

"If you fail you'd be trapped." Sorata added.

Subaru wondered if they were worried because he was a person or because if he did fail they'd be down two seals. It was a dirty thing that he could think of others in such cynical terms. The old him would have been horrified and apologetic. Now he couldn't seem to stop.

He wanted to save this boy and to help him. It had nothing to do with him being Kamui. It had to do with the parallels. He didn't want to let someone else suffer in that way.

"There's simply no other way." He responded to them with a quiet voice.

His chant came to his mind with ease despite the fact he rarely used it. He splayed his hand against Kamui's forehead and immediately felt a resistance to being invaded.

Slowly and painstakingly he pushed everything else out. He ignored the murmured words of Sorata, focusing only on convincing Kamui to open, to allow him to see. He settled on forcing his breathing to even out to Kamui's slow breaths, forced his heart into the same rhythm. After he felt that first break he moved, shifting so his forehead was pressed in an almost tender way to him, his hand an absent caress against the side of his face.

Everything fell away. Subaru was filled with the sensation of drowning, swimming in water. He opened his eyes slowly and found himself in a chasm of water so dark he couldn't see more than a few inches. He allowed himself to sink slowly, against doing anything dynamic in favor of taking it slow so as not to harm the chaotic mind he sunk into.

All of a sudden the rather sluggish water began to swirl before him. As it closed around him Subaru winced and tried to hold his balance. It was useless as a particularly heavy wave slammed into him and sent him spiraling outwards, forcing him to curl on himself to try and safeguard himself.

He grunted as he received a swipe on his cheek and arm. Feeling a weakness in a fissure behind him he pushed forward a little until he slipped into it, leaving the first repulsion attempt behind.

He was unceremoniously poured back into calm water. Subaru resumed his sinking. Subaru paused as he looked around, wondering just where Kamui's soul was hiding.

A light made him turn around. He gasped as he took in the scene. It was that girl. She had her head still attached to a body being held up by wires.

"This is one of Kamui's memories." He muttered as he registered the scene changed to show Kamui being impaled by the sword.

He listened to the scream that was torn from the teen's throat. The words were reaching him from far off like a dim echo. His eyes narrowed in understanding when he noticed that Fuma was being overly sexual, licking and nipping the blood that was on Kamui's neck, his knee pressing in a taunting manner at what Subaru knew had to be swelling despite the situation at hand.

Originally Subaru had thought Kamui was in love with the girl. It seemed to point that way. He hadn't chased the fleeing boy and he had initially refused to let Sorata remove the head from his grasp, being still cognizant enough to repulse the monk with his powers when the hands had reached. Granted he had let Subaru take it from him but Subaru had put that down to the fact Kamui was so far into his coma that he was unaware that he wasn't holding the head. Kamui didn't care about reality anymore so there was no need to hold onto the body.

But this, the hooded eyes that Kamui was showing, the quickening of his breath and the way he couldn't resist told the truth. Kamui loved this other teen.

Kamui was beautifully tragic.

Subaru frowned when he thought it and he shook his head. That was just sick.

What normal person thought that tragedy could seem beautiful? Okay so he wasn't normal.

This was why Kamui was closing off. It wasn't that his best friend killed his love. It was his love had killed his best friend.

"Kamui don't look anymore!" He yelled out even as he knew it was helpless. Subaru didn't need to see the sword being plunged into the breast tissue and piercing the heart in one clean sweep.

He registered Kamui's yell and saw the teen struggle as soon as he was released from the others closeness but it was in vain. The moment the sword plunged into its marker he went limp again, his eyes clouding slightly, beginning to sink.

It was in that moment that Subaru was again buffeted to the side and thrown back. He had tried to breech the memory to make it halt its endless reel, alerting Kamui's conscious that he was still there, an invader to the grief.

Subaru cursed as he was thrust into total darkness.

His eyes opened when he heard the crying. He turned his head to the side to see that damned sword; he was beginning to hate it, and a young boy… Kamui?

He rose with some pain. His shoulder throbbed.

"Kamui?" He called out. "May I come over there with you?"

Though Subaru made his voice gentle as a breeze the boy shook his head and kept his head down, face buried in his hands as he sobbed. It squeezed Subaru's own heart that the boy would have such gut wrenching sobs, as though he had nothing left. He understood that all too well.

Still he firmed his stance and began to walk. "I'm coming over there."

The boy didn't move when Subaru stood before him finally. Subaru gazed down at him with gentle eyes. He knelt before him and resisted the urge to reach.

"Kamui you can't stay here." He said as a beginning, wondering why Kamui was appearing as a child.

He knew that it meant avoidance and transference. But was Kamui trying to avoid the fact the girl was dead or the fact he loved the killer?

"Tell me what's wrong." He suggested when the boy didn't respond to him.

"I won't. Go away."

Subaru pushed him a little, pulling the hands away from the tear streaked face, and wasn't surprised by the immediate backlash that tried to repel him away. He fought against it. It had taken him too long to finally find Kamui's soul, the reality if it. If he lost it again it could cost him valuable time to call Kamui back. If he let it sit any longer Kamui would sink further into a place even a Sumeragi couldn't delve into.

Not to mention it might have caused his own descent into the dark tornado of Kamui's mind.

The fighting cost him. He was unable to stand any longer as Kamui finally let up. He fell to the ground and barely avoided hitting his face against the sword. The pain was spreading and he felt the drain to his powers as he forced himself to remain.

Kamui was like him. Perhaps not the only person out there but he was the one who had touched a piece of Subaru enough to make it important to find something for Kamui to use to crawl from the dark.

Subaru had used his sister's sacrifice, her death. He had clung to it and dragged himself from the pulverizing weight of his sin in loving a person like Seishiro. Kamui didn't hate though.

He still honestly and truly loved that man. Despite the fact he had witnessed such a gruesome thing his heart was still screaming for that man, writhing in agony. He wouldn't cleave to hatred as Subaru had done. So that meant Kamui needed…

"Kamui as long as you stay in this dream nothing will end and nothing will start. Right now you're drowning in the depths of despair in your heart. But running away won't solve anything." The words didn't seem to be registering so Subaru continued. "I was the same way. Look."

He gestured to the right and Kamui glanced over.

The darkness was forming as Subaru contorted it to a memory, pushing his memory out so Kamui could view it. Finally there was a sakura tree. Subaru forced himself to watch as his sister walked to it.

"Who is that?" Kamui asked as he focused.

"My only sister. And Seishiro Sakurazuka." Subaru ignored the dullness of his voice.

Kamui was dedicatedly watching. When he saw the hand rise he gasped. A horrified cry escaped his lips as he tensed to run forward but Subaru was quicker despite the pain. He grabbed a wrist and used his ability to keep Kamui there.

"This is my dream. Trust me you won't make it in time."

Together with Kamui he watched Hokoto fall back, her blood staining the hands he had adored.

"After my sister died I couldn't do anything. I walled myself up in my heart and refused to see reality. But that wasn't correct. If you stay here then you'll be just like me." Subaru reached out to touch Kamui and was pleased when the boy didn't repulse him again. "When something serious happened I wasn't able to do anything to prevent it because I was avoiding reality."

"Like you I lost two people dear to me. But I tore the walls down in order to make my wish a reality. I'm sure that… my wish won't make everyone happy. But it is my choice to chase it."

"Is that because you loved him?" Kamui asked in a startling moment of clarity.

Subaru didn't try and hide the shock that flickered across his features. After a moment they settled and he smiled a little. "That's right."

"And my wish will come true?" Kamui put the question to him.

"That depends on you. But Kamui if you have a wish or a dream that you want to be reality then you need to fight for it, not hide away. You lost people you loved. If you want something to happen then you need to return to make your wish into the reality you desire."

He grunted as he began to lose his fight to remain with Kamui. His body began to blur and static around the edges. Kamui gasped and reached out but didn't touch him. Subaru assured him it was okay before he vanished, flying backwards through Kamui's conscious. He wondered why there was no resistance to keep him trapped and realized Kamui was guarding his departure. Otherwise the still storm raptured mind would have caught at him.

He felt himself return to his body. Awareness seeped into him of Sorata yelling for Arashi to get a doctor. He tried to get up and shift from his position but instead he fell forward more firmly and found Kamui's shoulder digging into his chest.

"I did everything I could to convince him." He murmured without energy. He was exhausted.

It had been a very long time since he used that technique. Kamui's mind hadn't been the ideal one to go using a rusty spell but he hadn't had any choice. The boy had needed help.

Subaru was waffling between consciousness and wakefulness when he felt the boy under him shift. The jostle was enough to make him more aware of reality. He felt a small tremble from Kamui as he moved and then he had arms around him. Subaru was too tired to even tense.

"I'm back now." Kamui ghosted his breath across Subaru's ear. It made some goose bumps rise as he sighed. "Thank you."

With the knowledge he had succeeded in his mind Subaru closed his eyes. He had been right. Kamui had a wish but what the teen had needed to return was the knowledge he wasn't alone now that he had lost those two people.

They opened again sometime during the night. He cleared the sleep from them by using his arm, wiping across from them. He turned his head to take in his surroundings. He was in a room that was familiar to Kamui's only in golden tones rather than red. He wondered what had woken him up.

Now that he was up he couldn't seem to sleep, wondering what had awoken him in the first place. And then it came again. A sharp sensation in his head as though someone was sending him a message.

All humans had some level of spiritual ability. Only certain people could harness it to the level that Subaru and, he was sure, the other seals had. This was on that wavelength but it was unfocused, like the person wasn't aware they were doing it.

Still it was insistent and Subaru couldn't ignore it. Whoever it was seemed to be in a great emotional turmoil if they were shooting off this wave without being aware. He still had enough of his past personality to know it would be cruel to ignore this.

He swung from the bed and got up. He took a note that someone had stripped him of his coat and shirt, leaving him in only his jeans. He decided it didn't matter. If the pull was to head outside then he wouldn't go.

He paused outside his room to ascertain where it led to. It seemed to be coming from upstairs. Subaru went silently as a ghost down the halls until he came to the staircase. The door was opened a little, the lock having been pulled apart by power.

That certainly confirmed things. This was a seal. And he knew of only one seal that would be hurting right now.

The feeling became stronger as he neared the stairs to the roof. It was fairly reckless of Kamui to be outside considering his injuries. Subaru knew that seals healed faster than the average human but that didn't mean that the wounds would be gone yet. In fact they were probably still freshly festering.

Kamui was far gone into whatever he was feeling because he didn't turn to look at the invading presence of Subaru.

Subaru couldn't help but click his tongue against the roof of his mouth in a mild disapproval. Kamui had neglected to change into anything more substantial than the thin robe, his feet dangling over the rail from his rather precarious perch on the rail.

If they had been in summer it would have been more okay. But they were in thespring season, the temperatures dipping down to chilly. Subaru was feeling it already even though he had only been out for a few seconds.

"Kamui." He called to the boy before walking over to him, loath to startle.

Kamui jerked up before catching his balance on the rung. His arm came up in a classic gesture to show he was wiping his eyes dry. So the boy had been up on the roof crying in the middle of the night… while neglecting the fact he shouldn't strain his body.

"I haven't thanked you yet." Kamui said in as close as a casual voice he could swing.

Subaru came to stand by him. He leaned against the railing absently and wished he had the forethought to at least grab his smokes. "There isn't any need for it."

Kamui grunted softly in lieu of replying. Subaru could become rich by betting that Kamui was very disinterested in speaking. A swift survey of the teen showed his skin was pale as paper, no signs of life in the sunken cheeks. The eyes still glimmered from tears. Again Subaru found himself in a state of confusion.

The teen looked horridly fragile, the robe not even done up correctly, merely tied loosely and hanging from shoulders that were so small it was unbelievable. If one were to walk upon Kamui from behind he could easily have been mistaken for a girl.

It was a delicate fragility that combined with the lost and forlorn look in the amber eyes that had Subaru sighing. He had no interest in the world's fate. He didn't doubt that the earth would be better off without humans. But he couldn't leave this fragile, emotionally weak boy to fight alone.

"So you discovered your wish." He commented after his body had given up the fight against the cold and began to numb.

"I did. I want to bring Fuma back."

Subaru wasn't too startled to hear that. After all he knew Kamui loved the other teenager. And he was perfectly aware of how love could bind you. It had been binding him for over half a decade.

"That boy will never forget what he has done regardless." Subaru told Kamui, thinking it was important that the boy know everything.

Kamui remained silent for a moment. "I know. But the way he is now isn't Fuma. My Fuma wouldn't like who he has become. So I will return him to who he really is. Even if it hurts him."

Subaru smiled faintly before he pushed from his perch. There was only so much freezing a body could do before it demanded warmth. "Well you won't be doing much if you end up with pneumonia. Really Kamui what were you thinking?"

The teen gave him a startled look before he spun so he could jump to the roof. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

"Just take better care of yourself. For your wishes sake if nothing else."

"Yes."

Looking at the teen Subaru doubted he would change that much. Kamui just seemed to have an overall lack of care for himself. It might have been just the fact Kamui had been through a trauma but Subaru didn't think so. Even a trauma person would have had the forethought to bind the robe tightly. As it was Subaru could see quiet a bit of the thin shoulders and an expanse of the delicately sized chest. There really wasn't any meat on his bones.

Subaru escorted the shorter teen back to his room. If he hadn't done it then Kamui probably would have remained up on the chilly roof until exhaustion forced him to sleep.

"Why were you up there?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Subaru heard the unspoken words behind him. Kamui couldn't close his eyes without seeing and that was the issue. It drove home again that Kamui was rather weak in some regards. Rather odd when one considered he was the one with the most power out of them all. This delicate boy held the fate of a doomed world in his hands.

Subaru didn't leave as he probably should have. Instead he watched as Kamui settled on the edge of the bed.

"Well you need to try now."

Kamui nodded in an absent manner. Subaru waited a moment but Kamui didn't move an inch. He was making it perfectly clear that he had no real drive to get under the covers. Nightmares awaited him there after all.

A debate was silently warring in his head. Subaru wasn't one to get close to people. He didn't want or need anymore scars to carry on him. Kamui seemed like he would be a lot of scar tissue if something happened to him. The teen was now emotionally damaged and seemed to have a distinct lack of care for his health.

Yet at the same time though Subaru couldn't leave the room. "Would you like me to stay?"

Kamui glanced up at him. "Sorata said that your name was Subaru Sumeragi."

"That's right."

Kamui nodded slightly. He moved to slip under the comforters and Subaru went on the other side. The bed was a single so it wouldn't have been so good if Kamui was full grown. As it was Subaru was able to lie comfortably on his back. Kamui stayed on the edge as though he was nervous.

Subaru wondered if the boy had ever shared a bed with someone after the age of childish innocence flitted by. It took roughly an hour before Kamui began to shift and toss, a nightmare beginning to thrash through his mind. This close Subaru was getting a wave of that same despair and fear clogging him again.

How the other seals weren't feeling it he didn't know. They were either ignoring it or they were the deepest sleepers he'd ever known.

Shaking that away Subaru reached and pulled Kamui close to him. It wasn't an instant thing but gradually the teen relaxed around him. Subaru watched the shift slowly. The brow smoothed back out and the mouth softened. A hand reached out to try and tangle in a shirt but since Subaru wasn't wearing one all it could do was rest against him, the fingers slightly curled. A head nestled in his arm and if he shifted Subaru could feel the tickle of Kamui's hair and smell the shampoo he had used.

They slept close together for the rest of the night.

End chapter

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Author note: yay another chappie done. Please be kind and review!


	3. Bloody use

_**Author note:**_ So this one will filter through both Kamui and Subaru's point of views. Eventually I'll do one with just Fuma's point of view. At the core this is a Kamui/Subaru fiction but I won't be shoving that down throats yet. I feel like any relationship between them would have to be slow building and be kind of naive because both their first loves were and are hardly normal. So a genuinely loving and affectionate relationship wouldn't be recognized by them at first, especially this version of Kamui I've created who I've made to be very fragile. Always had the feeling Kamui was a starved character in human interactions.

_**Seichan1999:** _Thank you for pointing those things out. And for answering my PM! I went back and fixed them.

_**Koryandrs:**_ I'm glad you liked the second chapter!

_**Neotheduelkeybladewielder:**_ Yes I'm meshing to my poor ability. I hope you continue to like.

**_Disclaimer:_** Nope… I'm too poor to own any part of Clamp!

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Chapter start

It had taken longer than any of the seals had expected for Kamui to heal from the injuries. Had he been anyone but Kamui the time might not have seemed so long. As it was the boy hadn't regained all of his strength.

Subaru had sighed more in those weeks then he could remember. The teen was often to be found on the roof in the same spot he had been trapped, staring hard as though he could see the images again and perhaps change the outcome, his hand sometimes reaching until it fell limply back. He never was dressed properly in the early days of his recovery, wandering around in his robe and pajama bottoms and his feet always bare against the floor.

Kamui also very rarely ate in the company of the other seals. There was always an air of hesitancy around him. Sorata had confessed that there were times, more than he enjoyed admitting, that he couldn't use his cheerful insistence to manage dragging Kamui from his reverie on the roof or ensconced in his bedroom.

Today had been a success. They often were on the days that Subaru came by. The older man didn't live on a day to day basis with the others despite the fact he was enrolled as a college student at the Clamp academy. Classes didn't interest him and he needed to be able to come and go to complete his duties as an Onmyoji.

Being enrolled simply explained away the reason he had a room in a dorm with four teenagers of varying ages. And it allowed him to keep an eye on the teenager who concerned him most.

So Subaru was treated to the usual dinner routine. He watched through hooded green orbs as Kamui kept his gaze on the plate in front of him and picked idly through the food Sorata was piling on him. On occasion Yuzuriha managed to startle a response from her fellow teen, one worded responses that were given in soft and unsure tones.

Sorata was leaning too close so that he could dump something else in Kamui's plate. Subaru couldn't say it was wrong to push food on Kamui. The teen seemed too lacking with not enough meat on his bones, not enough healthy sheen to his structure.

Then a piece of the food slipped from the platter. Kamui wasn't paying any real attention or else he could have moved. The food splattered against his right hand and the bandages still wrapped over the vicious holes the glass had left.

Kamui jerked away and brought his hand close to his chest in an almost protective manner.

"Aw man! Sorry about that." Sorata apologized immediately as he scooped the food back up.

"Are you alright Kamui?" Yuzuriha reached out to try and see his hand.

"I'm okay." Kamui said quickly, shying away from the hand and rising from his chair too fast to be believable. His eyes were pained as they looked at the still hovering hand. "I'm going to go…"

Kamui didn't bother to finish his sentence. He didn't tell them he'd be back down either. Subaru considered it good fortune that Kamui didn't break a wall in his haste to escape the room, his footsteps hurried the moment he was safely on the stairs.

The silence enveloped them all, a depression seeming to compress over the other teens. Yuzuriha was biting her lip as she glanced down at her plate in a similar fashion to Kamui.

Sorata was leaning on his chair as he glanced at the stairs in a debating manner. It was Arashi who sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them she was determined, picking up her utensil again and steadfastly dipping it into her food.

"We can't let all this go to waste." She said in a practical manner.

"But Kamui…" Yuzuriha protested.

Sorata seemed to shake himself. "It's okay! We just need to give him some space. In the meantime though we should enjoy this great meal I cooked."

Subaru remained silent in the exchange. He dutifully nibbled a little on the sushi that he had taken when offered. He even made a moderate effort to take part in the stilted conversation around him. It wasn't his fault if his eyes strayed to the left and his part in the small talk ebbed until he was completely checked out. From his sitting position he had a near perfect look at the bottom of the stairs.

As soon as the meal was over it was as if there was a collective sigh of relief. It was amazing in a way. It wasn't that that they disliked each other or that they were awkward. It was just that Kamui had that effect on them all.

The aura around him was always just so difficult to get a firm hold of. There were times when Kamui seemed to still be in that catatonic state and emitted nothing. Then something would happen and the air would disperse, the very atmosphere losing its comfortably friendly tinge to become panicked and weigh them all down like bricks atop mortar. Kamui would retreat quicker than a flash of lightning and leave them all to wonder.

Wonder what they had done, what had been said. Trying to follow him only resulted in the teen withdrawing further.

Kamui wasn't aware of it. Subaru could say that with a certain air at least. The teen was very awkward around them and others he came into contact with, withdrawing into himself as though he was trying to sink into invisibility.

They all wanted Kamui to be better for various reasons. Subaru wasn't interested in guessing the others reasons for it. His own was simple because he didn't know. Seeing Kamui so closed off wasn't pleasing. That was all he was able to tell about the situation.

Kamui wasn't trying to be so difficult. In fact the teen was trying to be easy.

Kamui sighed as he leaned against the rail and pressed his cheek against it, savoring the chill it held. The wind ruffled his hair and he wanted to brush the annoying strand teasing his face back but he couldn't seem to dredge up the energy to do it. Fuma had used to do that, pushing it back with strong but gentle fingers, suffusing Kamui with a pleasant warmth.

He glanced at his hand. The bandage had been soiled by the piece of sushi dipped in some sauce so he had removed it. Now the long and jagged tear, mirrored on the inside of his palm and other hand, was visible. The skin had closed over it imperfectly and was still puckered a hideously ugly red.

Fuma was the one who had done this. He had also left an equally ugly scar on Kamui's chest. He couldn't even look in a mirror after a shower without seeing again that vivid scene and recalling his weakness.

He wondered if he was a disgusting excuse for a human. He was more aware than he wanted to be of what Fuma had become and what he had done to Kotori and to him. But in his dreams he couldn't help but dredge up the real Fuma.

To bring Fuma back was his goal, the only one that made sense to him. Yet there was a curious lack of will to do anything but remain still and try and banish the wavering of his heart and soul. Hesitation for what was coming.

"Kamui."

Kamui stiffened a little before he relaxed again, turning to look at the older man. Subaru was hesitating in the doorway with a rather pensive look on his features. When the teen remained silent Subaru stepped forward. Off of a reflex he withdrew his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and drew one out, placing it between his lips and lighting it.

Kamui watched him do it and wondered just what the adult wanted. Perhaps he had come to scold Kamui for his lack of tact and decorum in the dining room. It wouldn't have been a shock.

Subaru had been nothing but kind but eventually dealing with a person like Kamui would have to pall.

"How have you been?" Subaru asked in his usual soft voice. He was always so soft and unassuming like Kamui was so very breakable, like a dish made of fine china. He didn't deserve it.

"I'm fine." Was the automatic response, the same one Kamui gave with unfailing frequency.

"Really?" The onmyoji let the word slip out easily.

Subaru wasn't normally one to pry but this was different. There was something more to Kamui then what he had originally thought. More pain then the obvious one sitting so close.

Subaru would be the first to give anyone the right to cling to their way of living even if it hurt others around them. It was the life he led. Yet somehow it seemed an almost dirty thought that this teenager who was the same age as he had been be fated to suffer that same misery and style.

Kamui was still unwilling to open though and prying was the wrong thing. So Subaru let himself stay closer than he normally did in order to simply be there. Even though the world was in danger of ending and he and Kamui were anything but steady and safe it was somewhat peaceful to be around the younger male.

The next day Kamui was going off to school for the first time since Kotori's death. Subaru vaguely recalled that it had been decided that the girl's death was to be kept hidden. It was understandable. It was either that or let the whole pile of sordid details out and everyone could agree that would be the opposite of keeping Kamui secure in his shaky grasp on normalcy.

He didn't really feel like going to school. It had never been an important thing to him. His Mother had never bothered to pay attention to his grades, only showing interest when he was involved in a fight. She would go to the conferences with the practically patented lines.

"_Kamui will make his own decisions and destiny."_

Yes, indeed, Kamui had heard that line and variations so often he was shocked his ears hadn't bled from it.

They all went to school together. Subaru had decided to take a lazy day. He was tired from his last mission he said and since he was just a high school drop out it didn't matter was what he parroted. Kamui kept his gaze steady on him until Sorata said it was time to head out.

Yuzuriha tried to keep up a conversation with Kamui on the way. She commented on making the cream croquettes that he had seemed to enjoy but all she managed to get was a brief nod.

"He seems a little more energetic today at least." Sorata commented in a whisper to Arashi.

The miko nodded absently.

"_Otherwise you'll end up regretting even more things." _Those were the words that Sorata had spoken to him.

They had touched a piece of Kamui and thawed it. If he continued to be held spellbound by the roof and Kotori's death then he couldn't free Fuma.

The teens separated to their classes. Kamui walked the halls just as oblivious as usual to the looks he received. Some were admiring from female classmates and others were concern mixed with speculation as they took note of the bandages he had left on his hands.

Kamui suffered through his first few classes with a mild attention span, his mind on a taller and stronger teen. He had no hope that he wouldn't see Fuma today and every prayer he would.

There was a rather annoying and persistent teenager in this class. Keiichi Segawa was what Kamui thought the enthusiastic boy had called himself. He had tried to get him caught up in his energy. Instead he had simply bowled Kamui over, winning a lunch date but also confusing Kamui more than if he had suddenly changed genders.

Subaru had said though that he should interact more with others. So Kamui didn't focus on it with too much worry. It would be a short lunch he was sure. There wasn't any way the other teen could want to remain close to someone like Kamui.

It was a lunch he was doomed to not make it to, which was rather depressing since Kamui had a feeling he'd hear about it tomorrow from the uppity teen. He had meant to go though, really. Maybe not on time, first he had wanted to visit Kotori's tree and that had been the fatal mistake.

It had started off in the usual way with him standing as close to the trunk as he could. His head was bowed as he felt the texture of the rough bark along his forehead and hand through the bandages. He felt at times if he stood close like this he could smell the perfume of Kotori and almost convince himself when he turned that she would be there with her gentle eyes and smile that had always been a balm to his spirits. He needed that now.

When he turned to leave she was there. His eyes widened a fraction and her name slipped from his lips as he viewed her smiling face. Then it was gone and turned into his darkest and forbidden desire.

Fuma was there with a familiar smile and soft eyes. He looked like his Fuma, the one who had been torn from him in that cruel fashion. But Kamui had learned in the past months since then. Fuma was never as gentle as he looked.

"It's been awhile since our last meeting." The older teen chuckled at the look of indecision on his preys face.

Kamui felt his knees locking into place when Fuma took a slow and deliberate step forward. Forward and forward, each step silenced by the neatly trimmed grass underneath it but the all together stuck Kamui could hear each step, matched up to his slowed heart.

Finally Fuma stood directly in front of him close enough to feel and too close to run from. Both urges warred but, with despair in one and victory in the other, both teens knew which would be the victor.

Pained eyes focused on Fuma as his lips parted. "Fuma, not here." Not in front of Kotori.

The words were choked with a volatile mixture of emotions. Shame and disgust mixed with longing and confusion. It was more than enough to make Kamui try vainly to back up.

He was still too close to the tree and it blocked him, a hindrance rather than a soothing aid now. Fuma was giving him a feral grin and it struck Kamui all at once as always.

This wasn't the first time since Kotori's death that Kamui had allowed this to happen. There were times when nightmares had clogged his senses and he had awoken tangled in his sheets that had become like chains. If Subaru was there he ran to the roof where the onmyoji seemed to expect him to be.

If not he ran away from the whole scene. It was on those times his need spiraled and he wandered, uncaring who saw how broken he really was, couldn't care about how tears stained his cheeks. It was on those times Fuma was there.

No matter where he ended up there was Fuma, ready to taunt him with his status as 'Kamui', the twin star made specifically to taunt and ridicule him, to break him and to control him.

Kamui couldn't resist or focus on those things though when familiar hands tugged at him insistently, choking him even as lips made a mockery of the affection.

"Not here." He tried again, insistently when Fuma let up a little.

"But here is where it will be most fun." Fuma retorted, lifting one of Kamui's hands. "How naughty of you. Covering up the things that prove you belong to me and me alone."

Kamui gasped when the fingers pinched harshly over the scar. In the early days of this the pinching had made them bleed, Fuma's seemingly favorite activity. Fuma tore the bandages from both the slender and almost feminine hands and licked along the scar tissue of one, biting it to see Kamui wince.

Trying to pull away was futile. All it did was make Fuma hurt him more and Kamui was weaker then a wet paper towel when the older teen wore Fuma's face and copied the once gentle mannerisms at a whim.

Like now he was brushing the hair away from his forehead and smiling a little. If only it reached his eyes then Kamui could believe for a brief moment.

A hand closed over his wind pipe again and squeezed as Fuma smashed his lips to Kamui's and bit down, uncaring that he had torn the youngers lips open and tasted blood. He lapped at it while Kamui tried to retreat from the pressure, hands scrabbling helplessly against Fuma's wrist, blunt nails useless in getting the hand to release around his neck. Until Kamui had the desire to hurt him then Fuma would always win.

Kamui groaned when Fuma slammed him into the trunk and the rough bark caused pain to explode through his back. He let him slip from the grasp he had on his throat and Kamui sunk partially against the tree, using his hands to try and force himself to remain standing.

Fuma was smirking down at him. "Shall we go farther than usual?" He asked.

Kamui could only stare helplessly with tears clouding his vision. Fuma needed no encouragement. He grabbed Kamui and undid the buttons on his uniform until the shirt hung open.

Kamui felt the sudden breeze and smelled familiar perfume. Kotori giving him strength he thought. He raised a hand to stop Fuma when he made a move to push the shirt from his form.

"No… Fuma this isn't you at all. This is where Kotori is buried." He said urgently.

It only made Fuma chuckle and lean in to bite Kamui's neck hard enough to draw blood. He relished the younger teen's grunt of pain and the way he winced, shying away as much as he could.

"That's why this will be most fun. Even a dead woman needs to understand you're mine."

To banish the specter of Kotori was the reason? That would never work. For the rest of his life Kamui knew he would be haunted by her, the way he had failed her in every way possible, not just in letting her die. He had failed to love her as well.

And this was why, for the carnal sin of feeling Fuma caress his skin and being allowed to weave an intricate illusion.

There was no fight left in Kamui anymore, no protest able to make its way from his throat which had become hypersensitive and only aware of the feel of Fuma's teeth and lips. It would have been this way before and it would be like it now even if Kamui was determined to parrot that this wasn't Fuma.

He couldn't even protest when he was spun effortlessly around and he barely was able to turn his head in time to avoid a broken nose as it scraped roughly against the bark. That would have made Fuma happy probably. As it was he was sure to have a nasty bruise on his cheek.

Kamui couldn't help but heap more self hatred on himself as he remained completely still, not out of any sense of self-preservation but because he simply couldn't seem to remember how to move his muscles.

Fuma's hand was there swiftly to begin slipping under the waistband of his pants and Kamui knew it would be painful, especially when fingers dug in his hair and twisted his head at an awkward angel to reveal his neck to an aggressive tongue. There isn't anything in Fuma to make him want to make it anything else. But Kamui can't, he just can't force himself to move for his own safety because Fuma was with him.

Later Kamui wouldn't know if he was lucky or unlucky. But Fuma withdrew and pulled Kamui with him, swiftly buttoning the shirt back up and leaning forward to wipe the blood up. He smirked when he took note of the confusion stealing over Kamui.

"We have company."

Kamui furrowed his brows but in a second he knew who.

"Ah Shiro there you are! I've been looking for you everywhere." Keiichi was there suddenly, running to meet up with him. "I'm sorry I was late, I had to speak with the teacher about some things. Hey! What happened to your cheek? Are you hurt?"

Kamui blinked as the atmosphere shattered. He grasped desperately to shreds of control and he clutched one arm with his other hand. "It's nothing. Just an accident."

"You have such an interesting friend Kamui." Kamui glanced at Fuma from under his lashes. Fuma was smiling fully, wearing his polite mask firmly. An ache started in Kamui that had nothing to do with his body's new bruises and cuts.

"Oh hello! What's your name? I'm Keiichi Sagawa, I'm in Kamui's class." He stuck out a hand for Fuma to shake and Kamui tensed. But Fuma shook it and continued smiling. "I know! Would you like to join us for lunch?"

"No, thank you though. I've already eaten." Fuma said with a pointed look at Kamui. "But I'm glad to know Kamui has such an energetic friend."

"Leave it to me!" Keiichi beamed happily.

Fuma left them alone after a few moments of polite conversation. Kamui wasn't surprised to find new scratches digging into his heart like barbed wire afterwards. Keiichi must not have been aware of Kamui's lack of interest or he was an amazing actor because he didn't let up as he led his peer to the gazebo.

Kamui couldn't have brought to mind any of the words that Keiichi said afterwards. His mind was miles away. When they were done and had thrown the trash away Keiichi waited patiently while Kamui stared at the front of the school building.

He sighed softly. "Keiichi will you do me a favor?"

Subaru was absently smoking a cigarette as he sat on the couch, some weird show on. It probably wouldn't have seemed half as unusual if he had been paying more than passing attention to the pictures on the screen. As it was he was glad to let himself be empty.

There was nothing in his head as he leaned his back against the couch to blow a cloud of smoke, watching as it twisted and twirled until it evaporated. The teens shouldn't have been back for another few hours. So when the door opened he craned his neck so he could see who.

Kamui didn't seem to see him as he quickly slipped his shoes off. Subaru's gaze sharpened.

"Kamui what are you doing here?" Subaru found himself asking.

Kamui stiffened and stumbled a little from his awkward position with his leg in the air so he could push off his shoe. When he had caught himself he gave Subaru a startled look as though he had forgotten the onmyoji was in current residence.

Subaru waited patiently because he knew something was wrong. The air around Kamui was more chaotic than usual. If that wasn't a good enough reason the boys hands were a clear calling card to trouble. Since the day it had happened and he realized they would scar Kamui never was to be seen without his hands bandaged tightly.

"Nothing. Sorry to intrude on you.' Kamui dodged the question shakily and was up the stairs before Subaru had crushed his cigarette in the ashtray.

Subaru wasn't sure about invading Kamui's privacy. He knocked on the closed door anyway. Minutes ticked by on the clock but he didn't receive a response and he sighed, closing his eyes before he gripped the knob.

"I'm coming inside."

He opened the room and stepped in, letting the door close behind him. Kamui was barely visible since he kept his blinds shuttered. Subaru flicked the switch and winced as the light pierced his eyes. Kamui burrowed his face into his arms and muttered a protest.

He had flopped onto his bed with his stomach against the mattress, one leg dangling off the bed.

"Kamui something happened." Subaru stated. He didn't receive an answer and Subaru wondered if the teen was pouting or just lost in something.

He cast his eyes around the room as though it would hold an answer to how to proceed. The room was nothing special. It looked like a guest room with only a bed and a desk, a chair that wouldn't have been in there if Subaru hadn't brought it in so he could watch over Kamui to make sure the wounds healed well. Not even a TV for entertainment. Kamui spent most of his time alone in this blank space with only his thoughts.

Subaru crossed the wooden floor and sat next to the teen.

"You can talk to me." Subaru reached out and placed his hand on Kamui's back.

The response this time was automatic and sent a flicker of shock through Subaru. Kamui flinched, his back tightening up, and he whimpered in a hissing breath. The hand was withdrawn immediately. He must have pressed too hard on an old injury.

But the thought was an uneasy one and Subaru narrowed his eyes when he realized it. He shouldn't have pushed but it was there and simply too tempting.

"Kamui let me see." Subaru reached out and turned Kamui's head gently to look at him. It was then he saw the bite wounds along the side of his neck, the bruise flushing into an ugly purplish red.

The teen gave him a faintly mutinous look but Subaru remained steady. It was rather hard to believe that he was engaging in a staring contest with someone so much younger than he was.

Finally Kamui slid his eyes away and muttered intelligibly. He pushed up and Subaru noted the small flush that stole across his cheeks as he unbuttoned the school shirt.

Little by little pale skin was exposed. Subaru was again struck by how slender Kamui was, like no meat was capable of sticking to his bones. He knew now it was also the fact Kamui rarely could be convinced to slip a piece of food between his lips, choosing instead to remain introverted. Dieters would have killed for the apparent lack of ability Kamui had to feel hungry.

Subaru might have been similar but at least he still felt the pain of hunger and solved it with little fanfare. As it was he was waiting for the day Sorata set up a banner to commemorate every time Kamui ate more than a third of a plate.

The thoughts scattered to the corners of his brain when he took note of the first bruise. Kamui let the shirt be caught by his elbows but Subaru reached out and tugged it off the rest of the way, absently letting it slip from his fingers.

There were dark marks all along Kamui's back that would soon turn a sickly yellow. Blood was caked lightly through some of the bruises, the more vicious ones slightly leaking the red substance again since the bandage of the shirt had been removed.

Subaru gently took a firm hold of Kamui's neck. The teen winced when he tilted it to look at the bites, Subaru was aware he was pulling the tender skin. It was a disturbing sight. There were very obvious holes from where the teeth had pierced deeply, too deep. There would be no covering it up with makeup of any kind.

The temptation to ask who had done it was there. The need to yell at Kamui was also warring because there wasn't any need for the first question because it was obvious. Subaru sighed and went to get the first aid kit.

He took a few moments to compose himself. This wasn't how he expected Kamui's wish to manifest. Letting the dark Kamui do this was masochistic. Eventually it could break Kamui in even further ways, shattering every single piece that made him.

But… it was his right. Subaru sighed when he reached the conclusion that he had no right or reason to interfere. A desire to save Kamui wasn't enough to try and take away whatever the boy was clinging to so obstinately.

The pieces had fallen into place. Why Kamui wasn't back to full strength, why he still moved gingerly on occasion. This had been going on for quiet awhile, very possibly every time Subaru wasn't in the dorms with the other teens. He would have known if Kamui left the home otherwise.

There was an undeniable cord that connected him to Kamui. He was always aware of the teen's aura, where he was. It had given him a decided edge when he sensed Kamui was in distress, giving him that uncanny ability to find him in those moments to offer whatever support he could. There would have been no way for Kamui to sneak away even if Subaru was asleep.

When he returned he received a guilty look. Kamui was holding his neck as though he were trying to wipe away the evidence. Subaru sat beside him and went to work automatically.

Kamui sat as still as he could while Subaru tended to his back. He couldn't suppress every time he tensed or flinched but he hoped Subaru recognized that he wasn't shying away from him. The bruises hurt was all.

Out of all the dragons Subaru was the one he felt closest to. He was also the one he wanted to never inconvenience. Kamui couldn't help but feel guilty that he seemed to only be able to do the opposite.

"Kamui you need to be careful." Subaru told him and it made Kamui turn his head.

"I saw Fuma." He said simply.

Subaru nodded slightly as he finally closed the lid on the first aid kit. Kamui again looked like a mummy with bandages around his chest. Subaru had pressed a bandage against his neck and was currently using his other hand to hold a cold compress against the scraped and bruised cheek. Kamui took it from him absently, not as swiftly as he would have if anyone else had tried to take care of him.

"The others will wonder what happened." Kamui went on reluctantly.

"You don't have to tell them things you don't want to. Just because they're fellow dragons…"

"I know. My own issues are for me to deal with."

Subaru recognized his mistake. "But you aren't alone either Kamui. When you need us we're here."

Kamui smiled at him, small and hesitant, and it was like a small break through. "I know that too."

Subaru couldn't dredge up any protest even had he wanted to when Kamui ended up falling asleep against him, letting the teens head nestle against his neck before it slipped and Kamui poured into his lap, fingers curling in Subaru's black shirt. It was probably a dirty trick that he had pulled but Subaru had laced the medicine he had slathered on the teen with a sleeping poultice. He needed to rest long enough to let the marks heal and if Kamui had his way he would have ended up lying awake or worse, wandering back into Fuma's path. Subaru didn't want to think about how much worse the next time could be.

He worried how far Fuma had managed to push already. He hadn't noticed Kamui walking or sitting awkwardly and Sorata hadn't mentioned it so he was sure at least that barrier hadn't been crossed. The emotional damage that could cause would be catastrophic.

Subaru knew that well enough. There had been times when he had given himself to Seishiro, unable to deny the affection the older man displayed. At those times it hadn't bothered him that he had always been taken with bordered pain, forced to submit in ways he wouldn't have dreamed of or knew about if not for Seishiro. At the time he had thought Seishiro was good.

Kamui didn't have that balm, that ability to claim he was tricked. At this point Kamui knew exactly what he would receive from Fuma and should have known it would cause indelible scars. What he didn't know was how severe he would be hurt. Only Subaru could tell him and it wasn't his right to try and stand in the way.

How could he when he was still acting, when it came to Seishiro, in the same way, unable to banish that dream and wish from his heart? So all he could do was watch as Kamui would probably continue to run wantonly into the dark Kamui's path, unable to hurt or resist him and hope that those two were given a happier end then the one he and Seishiro were on.

If the idea caused an unfamiliar ache in his chest where nothing else touched… well, he would take that with confusion and acceptance.

End chapter

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Author note: I think soon I need to bring in more than just little moments with Subaru and Kamui. Ah, soon. I'm on the tenth manga now though, yay! A little not yay though since it isn't complete. Well regardless I hope this was good. If you've time let me know!


	4. Bloody Tears

_**Author note:**_ This is another filter chapter. I won't be following a major event in the manga because I haven't had the chance to read the manga to my hearts content just yet. I recently started watching Clamp school detectives and have fallen in love with Nokoru and Suoh. (I know my yaoi couples are multiplying) So they'll be canon in this fiction. I won't be really actively shiping them in this story though. My focus is Kamui and Subaru!

The chapter five will be coming a day or so later than usual. I have a KamuiXSubaru Tsubasa 1-shot burning in my brain that I have to write down later today when I have a moment.

_**Seichan1999**_: I'm glad I can display their bond. I hope I can continue that in the future chapters. Thank you for the support!

_**Koryandrs:** _Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

_**Disclaimer:**_ Nope, still don't own.

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Chapter start

The chair was painfully austere and the blossoms were overpowering Kamui with their heavy perfume. He supposed dimly that flowers smelled better when there were only a few stems. He had been stuck in a cage of them unfortunately. And it was all Sorata's fault.

Blue eye watched as Kamui fidgeted, pressing his hands under him and pushing slightly from the chair. It was hard to imagine in that moment that this was the Kamui destined to fight for the world. Instead of that image Kamui resembled a repentant child, eyes downcast and cheeks faintly red as he waited for a scolding.

Nokoru Imonoyama shared a glance with his closest companion Suoh Takamura and grinned, causing the taller man to sigh and refocus on Kamui. He subtly shook his head in order to convey that Nokoru shouldn't tease the younger. It didn't happen as often as he liked but on occasion the blond would heed his warnings.

This time the devilish glint in the blue eyes faded and Suoh released a breath. Suoh had sympathy for this boy. This teenager was in every way his age both physically and mentally but horribly fractured and underdeveloped in emotional circumstances. It was so obvious, just how socially unstable Kamui was, welcoming of abuse and confused around affection.

Kamui took social cues meant to be friendly and misinterpreted them, twisting them and clinging to his conclusions with a Childs obstinacy.

Both he and Nokoru were aware of the circumstances surrounding Kamui since nearly the moment he had been born. Severe isolation from others of his age and never a father figure to learn from. Kamui had forged bonds with only two other children in his sixteen years and one was now severed while the other was corroding slowly and sending a poison through the teen.

"Let me offer you some tea," Nokoru finally said and motioned behind him for Akira to step up.

"I'm oka-"

"Nobody can make iced tea as delicious as Akira can," the director steamrolled over what he was sure would be a well practiced refusal Kamui probably parroted every hour of every day.

Kamui lapsed into silence again and waited. When Akira stepped near enough to pour a glass of amber liquid his eyes slid to the side to watch, ready to pull away from the older man. Suoh saw it and darted his gaze to Nokoru.

The blond had his fan out and opened, a camouflage to the fact his lips had compressed and his eyes were darkening.

"Your teacher has shown some concern in you Kamui," Nokoru said when he had composed himself.

He knew it. Kamui sighed as he waited for the questions. Questions of how he was so stupid. It wasn't as though school had ever mattered to him. His mother never bothered to make him go and he had taken full advantage of it, enjoying the chance to not be in a crowd. Now though he was paying for it.

School was only mandatory until high school. If Kamui had his way he would have dropped out the minute he came to Tokyo. Things had gotten complicated though and it hadn't seemed an urgent concern, his schooling. Now he was even more trapped.

When Nokoru had offered to waive all the school and housing fees the others had been so exited and grateful. Only Kamui had been hesitant. Agreeing meant he would be dependant and what was more he would be forced to make effort to not seem a bother.

His refusal hadn't been heard in the face of the other teen's thanks and Subaru had been indifferent to it either way. Nokoru had used his miraculous ability to cut Kamui off and forced the teen into acceptance.

The work made little sense to Kamui who had never developed a studying ethic or a routine to listening to things that made him yawn. Sorata had offered to help him.

Sorata was always offering things. Offering food, offering trips, offering help on homework. Kamui had dodged every single outing proposed, he managed to occasionally skip meals. The one thing he couldn't avoid with complete accuracy was the homework help.

The first day Kamui had agreed reluctantly and had even paid serious attention to the elder so as not to throw the help back in his face. It had been math that time. He had gotten every single one wrong. With even more reluctance he was coerced into a second day of joint effort together on his history. Again, he had gotten every single question wrong.

This had continued for a few more days but Kamui had gotten adept at not being around when Sorata wasn't occupied by Arashi or cooking or whatever else the monk occupied himself with. Even then his work had only moderately improved. The only time Kamui ventured into the joint living areas was when they weren't there or when Subaru fetched him.

The onmyoji would knock twice before calling his name every time. It hadn't taken long for Kamui to figure out that Sorata or Arashi was sending him but Subaru never complained. He didn't tattle either when Kamui jumped from his window in order to avoid him and the others. He would however stop Kamui from leaving the Clamp grounds completely.

It confused Kamui why they would continue being so compassionate when he had shown them nothing back. It had to be because he was Kamui. Otherwise there would be no reason for them to be kind to him. In light of that he wouldn't inflict his presence unnecessarily.

Even now he didn't understand how Nokoru and the other two were treating him respectfully.

"Would you like a tutor?" Nokoru asked.

Kamui glanced up swiftly, his eyes wide. Nokoru had to cover his face again swiftly. The look the teen was sporting was one of disbelief and almost comical shock. It faded and took on a pensive set until it again settled into the look Kamui most often wore.

"I'm fine Imonoyama-san."

Talking to a parrot would have had to be easier.

"I know you're fine," Nokoru said, "and call me Nokoru."

Kamui shook his head in negation. Nokoru didn't push the point. Instead he crossed his legs and sipped from his glass.

"Clamp school is for promising youths with amazing talent. I believe you have that talent necessary Kamui and I'm not talking about your abilities as a dragon."

Kamui gave him a blank look and Nokoru backed off again. It was almost like he was poking a festering wound when he interacted with Kamui. The teen was missing all of the cues to open friendships. He seemed determined to build walls that were difficult to scale over.

"Well… think it over okay? We want you to succeed here Kamui."

Now that was a lie. Kamui couldn't believe it for more than a split second. It quickly discarded in his brain as he brought forth the truth. They only needed him because of his role in destiny. Then came that niggling wash of hot shame. With the consistency of their overtures to him he had to wonder what he'd do if these people were genuinely trying to be there for him.

Torn between his brain and an unidentifiable feeling Kamui agreed to think it over. While Nokoru and on occasion the other two spoke he offered a little more than usual, responding with slightly more willingness that still lacked openness. He was bullied neatly into going on a two sided first name basis with Nokoru and Akira and succinctly told honorifics weren't necessary. Suoh assured him that either way was fine and he shouldn't feel pressured to do anything. He said that with a rather stern look at Nokoru who chuckled and waved his fan dismissively.

The moment it was possible Kamui excused himself, forcing his limbs to keep a moderate pace until he was removed from the garden prism. In a second he leaped up and onto the buildings roof, using his ability to scale over them.

He was a little disappointed when Fuma didn't appear to block his path. Before the teen had popped up every few days just to taunt and maneuver Kamui into more acts of submission. He had a small feeling soon Fuma would stake an even more lasting mark on him. He had wondered if it would hurt and if the pain would serve a purpose. Like maybe if Fuma hurt him enough then he would return to normal…

But Fuma wasn't showing up anymore. At the top of his head Kamui churned like butter. If something had happened to Fuma then what could he do? Below that though was a white hot jealousy. A million 'what if' questions like what to do if Fuma had found someone else to occupy his time. Someone who didn't turn into a submissive and longing child when he was near, someone who wasn't as breakable as a weed under Fuma's hands.

He knew he should have returned to class. Nokoru had called him out at the beginning of first bell and it had taken over an hour for him to get around telling Kamui about a possible tutor. He would have to be firmer in refusing Sorata.

It was just… he and the other dragons had been dealing with him. It was far from his mind to cause trouble. When he was pushed he didn't know how to say no for very long.

It wasn't as though he could have kept up his arrogant and cold attitude. That was far beyond his capabilities now. It had been drained from his core and sucked from his marrow until all he could do was exist.

The twenty minute walk was turned into less than ten minutes. His feet landed right in front of the door he needed. Kamui glanced behind him as he dug into his pocket for the key, leaning against the pillar in order to arch back, his books held loosely in his other arm. Before he could yank the key out the door swung open.

Kamui was again caught in a rather undignified position. He froze like a deer and gave Subaru a panicked look which the onmyoji returned with a calm and neutral scan.

The blush swept up his neck and cheeks, wondering why it was always the onmyoji to induce these awkward and unexplainable moments. With a small grimace Kamui pushed from the pillar with his key in his hands, useless now.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Subaru asked.

Kamui found he didn't mind the small light in Subaru's eyes, whether it was for the position he was in or the fact he found Kamui's delinquency amusing and had no intention of scolding him for it.

"Shouldn't you be in a lecture?" He retorted slowly, just in case.

Kamui enjoyed spending time with Subaru. Out of all the seals Subaru was the one to give him the most freedom. Not physically, the onmyoji had zero qualms about hunting Kamui down and bringing him back to the school grounds when Kamui ventured out after a nightmare.

Subaru didn't approach him for things like how he was feeling or to ask his opinion on what movies they all should watch that night. With Subaru he had freedom to hold his wish and nurture it without hearing about it being unhealthy and with little to no chances of being reality.

Subaru never pushed and made no demands on Kamui beyond that he be himself and let Subaru be Subaru.

It reminded Kamui of two oceans that intermingled. When he and Subaru happened to pass together they would let each other pass as slowly as they liked, welcoming and silently supportive of each others paths. The only condition was that neither delved too deeply into the dark depths they both had, that they avoided the freezing drafts that they occasionally sent out. They didn't push and they didn't abandon.

The exact opposite of every other relationship in his life. If Kamui and Subaru were the oceans then Kamui and Fuma were two slabs of glacial ice. When they drifted together one would always shove the other in order to continue on its path, Fuma crumbling more of him without care in order to push forward.

Subaru shut the door behind him. Honestly he wasn't surprised Kamui was there. The teen didn't strike him as a studious kind and he had been rather startled to find Kamui didn't have any plans to drop out. It was good. Kamui needed the stability of school and the promise school gave of a future.

Kamui coughed a little and Subaru dropped his gaze, shifting to look over the teens shoulder rather than directly at him.

"I was going for more cigarettes. Would you like to come?" Subaru offered the outing on a whim, a sudden impulse to diffuse the odd tension.

He noticed the refusal that sprung to Kamui's face until it became hesitant instead. It was an occasionally fun but fruitless game to try and imagine what ran through that brain, fruitless because short of asking it was impossible to know the truth.

It was an offer Kamui was tempted to accept. It was very rare he managed to get away from the school grounds and that was abhorrent. If he did it was mostly to be dragged somewhere by Keiichi or to go to some sweet shop with Yuzuriha.

Still why would Subaru want to spend any time with him?

In the end Kamui shook his head. "No, I should do some studying."

If he wanted to avoid a tutor then he had better start understanding his work... after a nap.

"All right then." Subaru slipped past him and Kamui couldn't help following him with his eyes.

Subaru just looked dependable. He had broad shoulders that tapered into a slim waist and long legs. The first word that sprung out was supportive. Kamui blushed and clicked his tongue at his thoughts. Studying Subaru's anatomy wasn't something he needed to do.

He went inside and wandered to the kitchen. A snack would be nice. Sorata had bought him a carton of vanilla ice cream, lightly teasing about how plain it was. The monk was always teasing and didn't stop until he managed to drag a smile or a laugh out of the teen.

As he spooned generous amounts into a bowl Kamui thought about it. Yuzuriha and Sorata were always teasing him. They were always trying to get him to be more involved. He could admit that he had thawed towards Sorata who had been constant since his return to Tokyo. It was natural to thaw a little when people were constantly thrust in your face.

He plopped onto the couch after a split second decision to watch TV. It was rare that he indulged in it. Mostly he just liked the noise. Silence was his enemy since then he could think.

The ice cream melted deliciously on his tongue, the cooling effect it had on his mouth immediate and then it slid down his throat. He held the spoon for a moment against his tongue, thoughts turning to Fuma again.

Vanilla ice cream had been Fuma's favorite and that had been the taste of Fuma's kisses. Blood and vanilla ice cream… if that wasn't sick then he was a fairy.

When he ate the ice cream he could imagine Fuma's tongue almost, the pressure it had exerted to push Kamui's to the floor of his mouth, possessive and dominate in every way. With little thought the spoon did the job, his eyes half closing.

A particularly loud boom from the TV made him sit up and tense, ready for an attack. Then he realized where it had come from and he uncoiled with a sigh. He dipped the spoon in his bowl again but he ended up letting it tilt and slip from the side, listening to the dull dripping as it landed.

The mood for the sugary treat gone he set it on the table with a hurried toss as though it had burned him. He covered his face with his arm and suppressed the tears. He was sick, sick, sick.

He loved the real Fuma. But the only embraces he had came from that interloper, the only affection. It was a horrible tie he was allowing to remain intact. He was aware of it.

The craving didn't end though and it had only gotten bigger since this had all started. Kamui was realizing with startling acceptance that he didn't care if it was with the intent to harm he wanted Fuma to focus on him and only him. It didn't matter that Kotori had died and it didn't matter that Kamui himself would be killed.

The clock ticked slowly in the background as he tried to move to do his work. It was a sluggish process and every time he thought of it to prod himself along it faded more. There wasn't any need to do homework. Homework and everyone else didn't matter when he felt like he had a hole that never could be closed or filled.

He wasn't aware of the passage of time as he sat there. It must have been awhile because suddenly the front door was swinging open and Subaru was filling the house again.

"This is unusual," Subaru commented, "you usually avoid these areas like they have plague."

"I got distracted." Kamui muttered.

He dropped his arm to his side. Subaru took note of the slightly rimmed eyes and the defeated posture. He recognized it very well. His own bones were often contorted in that very way.

"Mind if I join you?" Subaru asked instead of trying to dig through Kamui's confusing mind processes.

"Go ahead."

Kamui shifted over so Subaru could sit beside him. The onmyoji was smooth as silk when he did, everything a fluid motion, cigarette in his mouth and being lit as he reclined back, shifting so his feet were stretched in front of him.

He breathed a cloud out and the scent of it filled the surrounding air. It wasn't a cloying smell despite its questionable welcome. Kamui allowed it to wash over him without complaint, already used to it. The smell of smoke always clung to Subaru the same way he also faintly smelled of the incense he used in rituals. And the scent under it all that was unique to him and entirely indefinable.

Subaru was aware of the intense concentration Kamui was now giving the TV. He almost believed the teen was just that into the program. Then he noted the glazed look in the amber eyes that was only there when Kamui wasn't listening or was caught in his storm ravaged mind. Then there was the fact the TV was turned to the soaps channel. Call Subaru cynical but he doubted that Kamui was into the dramas of who slept with whose brother-in-law and is hiding the fact their pregnant while another bunch of characters plotted scandal and mayhem.

Subaru managed to contain his chuckle and instead moved forward to grab an ash tray. It was interesting how easy it was being with Kamui. Normally Subaru wasn't one to enjoy company. He was okay with the seals because he decided how much time he was in their company and even then he wasn't completely relaxed with them.

Yet with Kamui he was exceedingly comfortable even though the teen wasn't a ray of sunshine. Maybe that was why. The bottom line was being with Kamui was peaceful. Despite the fact he was capable of dragging Subaru into moments of extreme pity and worry for the teen.

Subaru reflected on just how fate could be the biggest bitch of them all. Kamui had lost his mother and both his cherished people, discovered he held the destiny of every single organism on the planet in his inexperienced hands, had been brought to deaths door and ten suffered through a near complete shattering of his mind.

Whether Kamui was aware of it or not he had a strength. It was a kind one was either born with or not. Some people could be brought to that edge of insanity and despair and simply hover. Others were unable to pull back and plummeted into that dark and horrid gore. It took a certain kind to come close to falling but pull away and continue living instead.

"Subaru are you happy here?"

The question broke the reverie the onmyoji was in. Kamui had turned to look at him, his eyes earnest and his whole posture tensed.

"I'm… content I suppose." He spoke carefully.

Kamui's face fell a little and it perked Subaru's curiosity.

"Why would you ask that?"

Kamui furrowed his brows a little as he considered his answer as though he was trying to find the words.

"It's just that you don't have a choice. None of you do," Kamui said, "and you guys have to deal with…"

Subaru tilted his head as understanding hit him. Before he could think better of it he reached. Kamui tracked the movement but didn't move away or tense when the hand came in contact with him and wrapped around the back of his neck.

Subaru tugged him forward and Kamui found himself pushed into the comfortable position of snuggling with Subaru. His head was against his arm, the hand that had tugged him close brushing strands of his hair, absorbing the silky texture.

"Subaru?"

Kamui showed no fear or concern at the sudden position. They had been close before but it generally followed a nightmare of Kamui's or one of the nights he decided to freeze on the roof until Subaru fetched him. Never before had contact been initiated outside of those circumstances.

The level of trust Kamui had in Subaru was as startling as it could be considered misplaced. Subaru had never been good for the people he cared for. His sister and grandmother were two very undeniable signs of that. One dead and the other trapped in a wheelchair after saving his life, a life he doubted was worth the effort anymore.

It didn't make him thaw any less to see that Kamui was regarding him with open curiosity and almost sleepy indifference to the close proximity.

"You can't be concerned with making us all happy." Subaru didn't deny his voice had a faint scolding tone to it mixed with warmth.

"But still you and the others didn't choose this." Kamui argued.

"And you did?" Subaru retorted lightly.

Kamui fell silent but he huffed a little and burrowed against Subaru more securely. He would never admit it aloud but the fingers in his hair felt good, sending small jolts of warmth down his spine. He half expected them to tangle suddenly and rip but they remained gentle, having a sleepy affect on him.

If he was a cat he might have purred.

Subaru sighed as he felt the slight mutiny in Kamui. "Would you like to know something?"

Kamui shrugged half heartedly. Subaru stayed true to his goal though.

"You don't eat with the others or engage with them unless it is necessary or forced by Sorata or me. Why is that?"

"You aren't telling me anything, you're asking a question." Kamui said stubbornly.

Silence greeted his small defiance and he squirmed a little. "I don't know. I just don't want to be a bother."

"So you think being with you bothers us?"

Kamui shrugged again. There was a new resistance though in his body. Subaru slid his hand over and massaged the tensed shoulder, knowing he had hit the spot.

It had been suspect to him for a long time now. He had been vaguely aware that Kamui was very closed off and distant. From what Sorata and Arashi had said in passing he had in fact been very outlandish, even violent, in the beginning of his return to Tokyo. The kind of person they would have expected to go to become a dragon of earth.

His only moments of gentle reflection had been with Kotori and Fuma. It had been that that made Sorata determined that Kamui was meant to be with all of them.

"Let me explain. We aren't expecting more from you than you can give, Kamui." Subaru broached it carefully.

"But you are!"

Kamui suddenly jerked away. The motion caused Subaru to shift and the ash gathered on the tip of his cigarette crumbled onto his hand. He cursed and brushed it off swiftly. Kamui looked slightly taken aback and mournful.

"See? You all expect me to be this leader, to save everything when I can't even save myself! All I do is cause pain and I bring death."

He hung his head. "You should have left me to my dreams then. At least then I could have the real Fuma and Kotori."

"So you regret coming back?" Subaru demanded sharply, causing Kamui to startle. "I didn't bring you back Kamui. You chose to return in order to fulfill your wish. What I and the others want doesn't matter.

"But they want you to be happy, even if it's just for a moment. Do you think we like seeing you sad and isolating yourself? I understand why happiness isn't possible right now. But I do hope you'll eventually find it."

Kamui felt tears flood into his eyes but he forced them back, clenching his fist and biting into his lip. The taste of blood crossed his tongue as he bit too hard and it took him back, conjuring an image of Fuma. He shook his head to try and dislodge it.

Subaru didn't protest when Kamui collapsed against him, fingers tightening in his shirt. Instead he put his cigarette out and held the boy close. It really did bother him that this one teen was suffering so horribly. Enough that he was crossing his lines in order to interfere.

Kamui wouldn't let the meaning of the words reach too deeply though. He brushed them aside, unable to trust them. Even if it was Subaru who probably hadn't lied to him. Probably.

He wanted to ask if Subaru was okay, he wanted to apologize to him for having a tantrum. Kamui felt like nothing but a bother and an inconvenience.

Instead he blurted tiredly "Nokoru says I need a tutor."

It struck him that Kamui referred to the principal so informally. A small sliver of something he didn't care to evaluate entered his system and he tightened his grip unknowingly. He tried to tell himself it was good for Kamui to forge connections, to be the opposite of him. He didn't want Kamui to isolate anymore and long for Fuma.

His own life was parallel so he knew very well that it wouldn't lead to the happiness Kamui longed for. Whether or not Fuma could be revived or not he didn't know. But it felt wrong to allow Kamui to dedicate life to that and become obsessed with it to the point he didn't live.

"I could help you if you want," he offered, surprising even himself.

The offer wouldn't have been off to assume it would be denied. Instead though Kamui nuzzled against his neck, causing a shiver to run down Subaru, a not foreign feeling that he hadn't felt in nine years.

"Unless you want Sorata to keep helping you," Subaru couldn't help but add in an attempt to distance from the feeling.

He was rewarded with a brush of warm breath, a sigh. It was gentle as a butterfly wing. Kamui was chuckling.

"Sorata is the reason why I need a tutor." Kamui said peacefully, content now to be held.

It wasn't his fault if Kamui imagined another offering homework help and a different set of arms. And it wasn't either of their faults that Subaru was remembering being in another's arms while he received homework help.

End chapter

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Author note: I think my Subaru went a little off balance here. I'll work on that for next chapter. I'll also be trying to bring in more dialogue so I can practice with it. I'm gonna find a balance even if my fingers fall off from typing!

I do have fun though writing little moments between them. I'm gonna try a few moments between Kamui and Sorata and Yuzuriha so Kamui can grow starting next chapter too.


	5. Bloody peace

_**Author note:** _Chappie five, yay. I hope people had a good Halloween. Sorry for the delay in this chapter I got horribly distracted from my writing.

_**Seichan1999:**_ I'm glad you enjoyed it. And thar you like my lack of dialogue. I'm was always worried about being Ooc so I limited it and thus my style was born. It's hard to break from now.

_**Koryandrs:**_ This one is pretty peaceful as well. Next chapter is when I start torturing them again. Though really their creators tortured them first so...

_**Disclaimer:** _Are they canon? Nope? Then nope, I don't own.

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Chapter start

This was a bad idea. No, that didn't even scratch the surface. In fact it didn't even come within a hundred foot radius of touching the surface.

Kamui was dawdling as much as he could. The two minute tie was taking closer to ten minutes. He brushed his hair, still fluffy from the shower. The forty minute shower.

He had to be every kind of fool in the book and in the movies. When someone else knocked on his door he swallowed the little saliva that had returned to his mouth.

"Yo, Kamui! Food is getting co~ld," Sorata yelled in a sing song voice.

Kamui grimaced. Subaru had definitely been wrong. Not as wrong as Kamui was for taking the words to heart. Especially considering the fact he had told himself not to.

Still he squared his shoulders. Starting today he needed to stop being so miserable. The hurt was still there, festering like a pit of lava just waiting to explode. But he wouldn't show it off so easily, it wouldn't be kept on his sleeve for the world to see and judge him for. More importantly these people who were stuck with him wouldn't be able to feel sorry for him anymore.

The thought bolstered him enough to go and open his bedroom door.

"Morning Kamui! Did ya sleep well," Sorata asked with his usual huge smile.

"Good morning," Kamui returned as he tried to maneuver out of his room.

Sorata was huge. Not fat. He was tall and had muscles and the loose jacket he mostly wore didn't help in space control. Kamui squeezed past the oblivious as usual teen and let his door swing shut rather loudly as a result.

"I tossed out a real feast. I hope you like waffles cause I made a pile of Belgium style," Sorata chattered, "this time the little missy is bound to be blown away by my talents!"

Kamui didn't know what to say and this time not because he was nervous. There really wasn't anything left to say or think about Sorata and his love of semi courting and semi stalking Arashi. It was good comedic relief on occasion, seeing him try so hard.

Kamui was rather glad, after watching them, that he didn't seem to have more than friendly affection to girls. If all girls acted like that when they were being pursued then he would be in trouble. He wasn't patient enough for all that.

Yet he had the feeling that the miko liked the monk more than she was willing to admit to them or even to herself.

Sorata broke Kamui from his evaluation by clapping a hand on his shoulder right before Kamui stepped down the stairs. It was rough and jarring, sending a shock of swift pain through him. He didn't hold it against Sorata. The monk seemed to lose track of his strength when he was animated.

"Hey Kamui can you give me a minute?"

The serious expression was rare enough to have the younger teen's full attention. Sorata was never serious. He had seen it less than a handful of times and when he did it often led to some profound realization or action on Kamui's part. Like being convinced to eat again, even if only a little, or in meeting with Hinoto that first time.

"What is it?"

"Well I was just wondering how you've been doing lately," Sorata said hesitantly, his accent thickened by his lowered voice.

Warmth hit the center of Kamui's chest. It had used to annoy him. He had went through a wealth of emotional stages with Sorata. At first he had felt very stalked by him, annoyed by the fact he was never left alone by the monk. Then he had felt uncomfortable after Kotori's death. The monk had stayed even closer, something Kamui had believed to be impossible before. It had taken Kamui actually locking his door and fleeing through the window to put it to a stop and then Subaru had become the secret weapon of Kamui-collecting.

Now though he was able to say he had some affection for Sorata. Kamui was rather shocked. He could reconcile the feelings when applied to Fuma and Kotori. He had accepted from almost day one he felt grateful for Subaru and that had grown into affection as well. But there were reasons for those three to mean something for him.

Two were his best friends and the other had saved him from himself. Sorata hadn't saved Kamui from anything worse than a paper cut and a mud puddle, which had sent Kamui into an argumentative and angry pitch, hating to be touched in the early days after Fuma had harmed him.

Now though that affection was there, not just for Sorata. It went to Yuzuriha, so young that he felt guilty she was involved in this. To a lesser degree he was worried over Arashi but it was still there burning in his being, telling him he had to try for these people as well as himself.

So he smiled and said, "I'm fine Sorata, thanks."

"You sure? If there's anything you need let me know. I'll take care of it lickety split," Sorata told him.

"Thank you."

Kamui led the way down the steps. As soon as he hit the main floor he glanced around. Subaru wasn't there. Generally the onmyoji wasn't a breakfast kind of guy. He chose to take the extra time to stay curled up in sheets. The teen was very envious of that.

What Kamui wouldn't give to turn back around and spend a week in the warmth of his kangaroo pouch. He didn't have many obsessions and he could generally handle most circumstances he was thrown in, not gracefully but he eventually became content with them. His bed though was his own personal masterpiece.

It was piled it with pillows and blankets. Kamui loved being warm. And he loved to curl up under the blankets and pillows, glad of the muffled sound at night when Sorata snored, and just soaked in his body warmth. The bed was the one thing he hadn't protested weakly about when Nokoru had burst in and done it.

He didn't even want to know how the hell Nokoru and Suoh knew he was a bed geek.

"Good morning Kamui," Yuzuriha said in his ear.

Kamui pulled away in shock. He hadn't seen the girl pop up beside him. That was how she was, she popped in from nowhere. So did her wolf Inuki.

"Good morning," Arashi came from the kitchen. She had a plate of the waffles balanced in her arms.

"Morning," Kamui mumbled.

"I hope you're hungry. Sorata made too much again," she shot an accusing look to the monk who laughed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Missy I'm sorry, I just wanna make sure everyone has plenty to eat. It's okay I'll eat the leftovers later!"

"You always say that and the food gets wasted," Arashi retorted.

"Kamui lets start making our plates," Yuzuriha suggested. "They'll go at each other for awhile.

How the teen girl smiled so much he didn't know. Still he trailed after her like a puppy and grabbed a plate. Kamui was close to getting away with a single waffle but then Sorata was there. The monk slapped him on his back and piled on more waffles, even going so far as to pour the maple syrup over them.

"A growing boy needs to eat lots!"

Kamui stood there with his eyes trained uncertainly on the swimming waffles.

"Th-thanks," he said.

They all sat together after that. Kamui didn't contribute much to the conversation. It wasn't until Yuzuriha gasped and mentioned his hands that he felt heat flush into his cheeks at the immediate attention.

It had been a difficult thing to ignore this morning. Kamui had spent countless minutes staring at his hands. The bandages had been picked up and pulled through his fingers until finally he had left them on his bedside table.

He wasn't obeying Fuma. If that was the case he would have done it earlier, when the tree incident had occurred. Kamui had been fighting himself daily about whether or not to wear the bandages to cover the scars. They had finally settled and weren't red at least.

Today had been the only day he had been able to leave them upstairs. Even now he was aware of them, almost like they were tugging at him insistently to come back and get them for the scant amount of safety they represented.

"I won't be weak anymore," he gave as an explanation to why he wasn't wearing them.

His three companions just smiled at him warmly, making him feel a little guilty. For so long they had been waiting for him to come out of his shell and even now all he could do was barely manage to sit with them of his own free will. Today had been a step forward; he tried to convince himself of that.

In the end he could still manage to choke down a little over half of the waffle. Though Sorata's face fell a little bit when he noticed it and Arashi sighed, torn between scolding him for wasting and being glad he had ate at all, he couldn't manage anything else. In his defense it wasn't the taste he objected to normally. Sorata was a talented cook which had come as a surprise for Kamui considering the monk had given him ninety second packages of rice before.

This time though he had felt like he was eating an island swimming in polluted brown water. This wasn't because it tasted badly as a whole, Kamui was certain the waffle would taste amazing if it hadn't been drowned in enough syrup to make a hive of bees happy for a month. It was his imagination running wild again.

Despite that he was more than happy to say goodbye to the house. Yuzuriha stayed next to him and chattered his ear off. She wanted to go to this and that sweet shop to try the cakes or something. This too was new. Normally Kamui didn't walk with them to school. He would take his own route. It was another small step, one that gave the other three seals hope and increased their morale.

"I'm the one who made the lunch today again Kamui, I hope that's okay with you?" Yuzuriha asked.

"Sure."

"Well I guess we'll be going to the high school division," Sorata grinned, "don't get lonely without me and missy here with ya guys!"

"You all go ahead. I need to go do something else," Kamui looked at them all slowly.

He didn't give them a chance to reply. He darted between other students until he was lost in the crowd. It didn't take a brain surgeon to know where he was headed though. It had become better than a second home in the previous months after all.

Kotori's tree.

Kamui paused in front of the huge trunk, admiring the great branches and the overall thickness of it, a true titan of the earth. Underneath its branches had really been the perfect spot for the girl it now protected. Or maybe she protected it. Even though she was gone he would still protect the world she had loved with the true purity of her heart.

"I'm back Kotori," he murmured it gently and leaned forward into the trunk.

With the feeling of the bark against his forehead and under the scarred palm he could almost believe she was there. The thought had occurred that everything was alive, everything that the seals were supposed to protect and rescue by fighting against Fuma.

There was even a heartbeat. In peaceful moments when nothing else was clinging to his mind and body and there was nothing to split focus with Kamui could claim to hear the steady drum of it.

A sigh escaped as the first bell began to ring. He would be late again. Murmuring a goodbye he turned to go into the school and make his way slowly to his first bell. It said something that his teacher only looked at him and bit back words before gesturing him to a seat in the back.

It took all his effort not to close his eyes. Every few minutes he was being prodded in the side by Keiichi who had decided to move close to Kamui. The boy was loud and Kamui honestly wasn't sure what to make of him. There had never been such a noisy and steamrolling person in his life. Only Sorata came close and it was perhaps because Kamui had the monk that he was able to accept with only small resistance Keiichi.

Dealing with Keiichi was like dealing with a train. You could run but eventually it would run you over if you stayed on the tracks. It was easier not to run so Kamui had settled into the role of unwilling partner most days.

"Shiro these are all wrong." Keiichi told him during break.

One good thing about him he was always up to go over Kamui's work. He would grab it from Kamui's desk before a protest could be uttered so he started just letting it happen. The bad thing was the loud teen wouldn't give him the answers.

"So Shiro how've you been lately? I hope good. Hey I know, let's eat lunch together okay," Keiichi was leaning onto Kamui's desk, face pressed too close for comfort.

Kamui could only nod as he felt bowled over. At the very least nobody had taken notice of his hands. There was plenty to be grateful in that. Explaining about the scars would have been annoying and weakening, as remembering was. It was the one thing capable of immediately freezing whatever mood Kamui was in and dragging him back down to misery and bringing with it an urge to hide.

Keiichi continued to talk and talk and Kamui nodded in appropriate places, wondering how the teen breathed between words and if he wasn't a zombie or something that didn't need breath. Eventually he was called over by another student who grinned charmingly at Kamui and glanced away when she received nothing back. Even when Keiichi was across the room words still drifted over to the window seat.

Loud and lengthy. Kamui sighed as he laid his head down on his desk, curling into his arms as an improvised pillow. There hadn't been anything particularly exhausting that day but he was tired. There hadn't even been any nightmares to keep him awake. Maybe he was so tired because he had made the mistake of falling asleep on the comfortable pillow of Subaru's shoulder, meaning he stayed up later than usual because he wasn't tired then.

It had been easy to do. After he had let himself be comforted by the older man the two had watched TV for a while together, Kamui blushing when the onmyoji had teased him lightly about the soap opera that had initially been on the screen. The thing that had struck him was Sorata had been the last one to watch the TV and Kamui couldn't reconcile soap operas with the monk.

It had been a comfortable set up. Kamui had stayed in his position against Subaru and the older man hadn't seemed to mind in the lease. In fact his arm had rested along the back of the couch and been an unobtrusive weight around Kamui, pulling him slightly closer.

Kamui groaned a little as he thought about it. He wasn't sure what to make of Subaru or the uncomfortable way he was feeling. Subaru was capable of making him feel awkward and unsure at any given moment and then feel like he had been thrown off balance completely. He had never wanted to be close to another person other than Fuma so he wasn't sure what to even do around Subaru as a rule so the feelings weren't helping.

From the little he knew, and he doubted he could cover a napkin with what he did know, Subaru should have been running for the hills screaming rather than be stuck around someone like Kamui. Yet there he was holding him like he was a china doll and sticking close to prevent him from putting himself in unnecessary danger. Not that any danger had presented itself, Fuma having vanished into oblivion and the other dragons of earth not uttering any threats or actions against the world the dragons of heaven were slated to protect.

The peace was nice. But it had to be brief. It grated on nerves already fraying that all Kamui could do was wait with baited breath for some sign of his great love going off to hack away at some innocent little Kekkai. Despite the waiting or maybe because of it Sorata and Subaru were keen to keep Kamui cosseted within the school grounds.

It would have been an easier pill to swallow if there had ever been a time in his life when he had been so restricted.

It would have been easier if the one person he found he actually wanted to get a little closer to, even if for mild curiosity or maybe hero worship, wasn't prone to swinging moods. There wasn't a way to tell what anyone said to make Subaru withdraw emotionally but there were triggers that nobody could figure out.

Speaking of Subaru… Kamui was late. The bell for second period rang. It wasn't the bell that had woken Kamui up though. The press and sudden loud clashing of the many voices of students darting through the class and halls was the only reason he jerked up from his desk.

Wide eyes focused on the clock and a curse filtered through once the bleary mask of sleep evaporated. He had slept for the first bell. Again!

Nokoru would have a field day with him when the principal heard. Kamui felt like crawling under a rock for the next hundred years in hopes the blond would never find him. So long as he kept the blood hound Suoh away Kamui had a one in one million chance of not being found.

The plan had merit. If only he knew where there was a nice rock. And if only he didn't have plans to meet Subaru for the second bell of study hall.

Kamui grabbed up his books and darted from his chair. He winced when he had to push through a group of giggling girls and rolled his eyes at the squeals. There should have been a law against acting like a bunch of fan girls for a teen as uninterested as he was.

Since there were so many students being lazy during study hall he couldn't use any of his abilities to make it to the gazebo faster. He was forced to run as fast as he could through the heavy blockage of bodies. For such a serious school Clamp did little to reinforce obedience from the students. There were clear cut rules that Nokoru would allow to pass so long as the students' grades stayed up with their scholarships. Then there were others he would become a stern task masker over, and heaven help the student who truly annoyed him.

Because he had to run though he was a bit tired when he finally burst through the bushes to the gazebo. Subaru was seated comfortably on one of the benches connected to the table. He had a rarely seen look of serenity about his features and Kamui found his feet locking up in an almost protest.

When Subaru glanced up he saw Kamui standing there with an interesting expression, a kind of hurried and harried look coupled with a tinge of confusion and bemusement as though something was unexpected and he wasn't sure what to take it.

When the teen noticed they were staring at each other he shook off the moment and gave out a rather gusty breath, plopping down across from Subaru with obvious reluctance and jerky movements.

"Sorry I'm late, I was-"

"Sleeping again," Subaru guessed wildly, giving a faint smile when Kamui blushed and nodded a little self consciously.

It was perhaps the oldest and most perverted thing for a man Subaru's age to think Kamui was adorable when he blushed and it led to him ferreting out ways to force the teen into those situations. Really it wasn't much work or that big of an occupation. Thanks to Kamui being Kamui the teen always stumbled and set himself up into plenty of awkward and blush trapped moments for Subaru to collect, filling with curious warmth and contentment to see the younger so off balance even as he felt a little guilty for it.

"So the next three periods are self period for you," Subaru took pity on him.

Kamui nodded a tad too swiftly as he pulled things from his bag with shaky hands. "Yeah."

Silence came over them while Subaru lit a cigarette. "Well let's get started. You also said you had some tests coming up?"

"Yeah one in math and," Kamui paused to sift through his papers, "English."

Subaru reached out and grasped the textbook, fingers ghosting next to Kamui's thanks to his position on top of the book. Green eyes lighted on the fact the hands weren't bandaged, the scars a glaring reminder of what was going on around them no matter what peaceful moments they stumbled into. He was tempted to say something but he closed himself to the temptation, telling himself it wasn't his place. Denial came from his brain, telling his heart it wasn't really because he didn't want to see Kamui withdraw by reminding him of them.

Kamui watched as Subaru flipped through the pages until he settled on one, brows scrunched as he looked it all over.

"I'm a high school drop out so I'm a little shaky on these theories," Subaru commented as he tried to summon back the exact ways to solve the complex formulas.

"Better than Sorata," Kamui giggled a little, "he's quick to teach me rubbish."

Subaru covered his next smile with an inhalation of smoke. When he glanced up he saw Kamui had taken on a pensive look.

"Speaking of classes though Subaru should be in a lecture right now," he said guiltily. "Maybe because of me you're missing something important?"

"Not at all," Subaru quickly denied it, not wanting to be witness to Kamui doing an emotional back peddle through the door he had just recently opened. "I might be listed as a college student but that's just show for convenience. Since I don't intend to learn anything here it doesn't matter, missing the classes. Kamui, this isn't troublesome or bothersome for me."

Kamui nodded a little and suddenly caught Subaru's eyes in a direct look. "For convenience? It's something else that goes to the Sakurazukamori."

It was startling, the moments of perfect clarity Kamui had, the ability to pull back the filmy curtains of artifice Subaru put up, especially when considering he was a teen known for stumbling through things with a certain blind naiveté both amusing and exasperating.

There weren't any words to say so Subaru kept his silence, rolling his tongue along the back of his teeth inside his mouth as he considered.

"That too… the cigarette," Kamui added, flickering his gaze to where it burned in Subaru's lax hand.

"Sorry, is it smoking too much?"

The onmyoji pretended to misunderstand Kamui as he tried to man his defenses again.

"It can hurt you," Kamui commented.

Grateful for the reprieve of Kamui changing the flow from Seishiro Subaru blinked and sighed, "So people say. I know smoking lowers some peoples thinking ability but for me it does the opposite."

"That's why you smoke different kinds?

"Because otherwise you can't win against that man," Kamui said with a frown. "It… really isn't my business but it is bad for your health so…"

Kamui was looking down, sorry to ever have started down the road he knew was wrought with the landmines predestined to shut the onmyoji down into silence and turn him into something unapproachable and scarily similar to how Kamui feared he might one day be. Chasing Fuma as Subaru chased the tail coats of that man.

Subaru didn't shut down though that was the first and most obvious response that came to mind. He focused instead on the downcast and shadowed spectacle Kamui was becoming however and then glanced at the smoke curling into the air to evaporate.

It had been a long while since Subaru had any concern directed at his person, from himself or other sources. Though he wasn't particularly welcoming of it he couldn't bring himself to ignore the blatant look on Kamui's face as though he was a kicked puppy that Subaru had picked off the street and was now waiting for the familiar abuse that followed a mistake.

Following the much smaller insistence than the one that told him to withdraw Subaru pressed the red flame into the ashtray. Instant gratification came when Kamui smiled a little, faintly and gently like a soft wind caressing them.

They went over the work in earnest after that. perhaps Kamui felt he had won something or that he had pushed his luck enough for one afternoon because he was exceptionally careful, which meant he unwittingly stepped on more landmines. Subaru felt battered at the end but he found he had had fun despite the way he had been thrown into uncommon territory. He didn't mind how close Kamui came to the partial truths Subaru kept trapped inside.

The onmyoji heard the bushes rustling while he checked over a paper and he tensed, prepared to react with swift precision. Kamui was far too absorbed in his work but he sensed Subaru's sudden drift of attention and glanced up to ask.

Before either could move a voice broke noisily across the air with a harsh jarring as it shattered the peaceful atmosphere the two had created. Birds flew from their perches as the invader popped up from the green foliage. Subaru realized the boy had shouted Kamui's name and turned his green orbs to the teen, startled by the recognition that shot through his younger companions amber eyes.

"There you are Shiro! I've been looking for you. We were going to eat together remember?" Keiichi stumbled from the bushes, drawing up short when he caught sight of the older male across from his classmate. "Oh I'm very sorry for interrupting!"

Subaru watched as Kamui began to pack his things. The teen was moving with a slight reluctance and it surprised Subaru to feel an echo of it in his core. It was faint and not strong enough for him to dwell on. He put it down to him simply being like an overprotective sibling, telling himself it was natural to feel threatened by anyone who might be a possible threat to his 'brother.'

"Are you going to come too Subaru," Kamui asked in a low voice, pausing in his task to gaze at the onmyoji with an impossible to discern look.

Subaru felt the intense need for a cigarette. Images of Seishiro flickered in his mind as he recalled times he had been unable to do anything but wear unreadable looks as he trailed after the assassin. The idea of such a parallel springing up between him and Kamui was loathsome. There was no part of Subaru that wanted Kamui to suffer another unhealthy relationship in his young life, especially with someone like him who was broken in different ways.

So he forced a smile and shook his head even though he was tempted to stay near to the teen, taken by a vague and undeveloped urge to monopolize time so Kamui could remain sheltered from things no one could protect him from, things Kamui flirted with easily and without regard to personal safety or survival.

Kamui and the other teen left, one looking crestfallen while the other was all smiles, enough cheer to take on Christmas. Subaru gave in to his urge and let the nicotine dilute his instincts and was actually relieved when the teen became indistinct and hazy around the lines in his mind. Thinking about Kamui when he was in this mood hadn't used to hurt.

Yet now when he thought of Kamui almost guilty thoughts of Seishiro circulated and made his stomach churn, knocking him back into his teen years.

A niggling thought skittered into his conscious unbidden. The last case he had worked before encountering the seals had been of a young woman so in love with a man she had been shattered by his death. Unable to grip the pain she had used one of the many forbidden spells to revive him, pulling his very bones from rest and casting an illusion.

It had been an illegal life that flowed through him. Yet it had seemed even more illegal and cruel for Subaru to rip that from her, in a sense punishing her for her crime in using a forbidden spell and causing the undue anguish of losing her most cherished person to death twice, breaking her to the point she couldn't conceive of another spell that might counter Subaru's own.

It was the woman who commissioned him that had said the words he dwelled on now.

"The ability to be consumed and broken so completely by someone is something only someone who has lost their heart can understand… Seishiro."

He murmured the name as though it were a prayer, as though it held answers he sought. If his heart was consumed by the assassin as it had always seemed to be then how could he feel so content in someone else's presence, how could he be growing attached to someone who he knew was on a collision course to either death or a future with his number one enemy.

It circulated in his brain until he was finally able to separate it into separate compartments, until Subaru felt as though he could go on as he was.

It was then there was a surge under his feet. Tremors ran through the ground and vibrated up his straight spine. Subaru grunted softly as he grabbed the table in front of him for support.

His first thought was that clamp academy was supposed to be one of the most secure strips of land, never having so much as a leaf disturbed during an earthquake. Then he registered the faint licks of power that accompanied the tremors, recognizing and tensing as he realized where it came from and how it had enough power to override and bypass the various enchantments and sacred protections that every feature of the academy utilized.

A dragon of earth was baring its fangs somewhere. And the peace would soon crumble and vanish beneath all of the seals feet.

End chapter

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Author note: Well I hope this was enjoyable. Until next time!


	6. Bloody Battle

_**Author note:**_ I feel proud of myself. I actually started (shudder) research for a future plot line I plan on inducing.

_**Koryandrs:**_ Glad you liked! I hope this chapter can live up to the great ending of the last one!

_**Seichan1999:**_ I didn't really like doing the total canon stuff either. But I felt as it was one of the few sweet moments between Subaru and Kamui I wanted to do the studying scene. The rest was accidental but I went with it because for some reason when I try to go back and replace scenes I've written the rest gets screw-balled. Now when you say dialogue can you define on how to improve it? I looked up about using commas and sentence structures but I can't seem to get the making it flow as more human down.

_**Yorishirou:**_ Yeah, this took a little longer than my usual update time. I try to do weekly if not more quickly. Don't really have an excuse for that except I was super tired and decided to relax. I hope this was worth the wait though!

_**Disclaimer:**_ No.

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Chapter start

Earthquakes that couldn't have been natural. And inside those earthquakes licks of heated power, unfamiliar to him. But they were similar. What pressed more than anything though was the thrumming of the swords.

It couldn't have been Kamui's sword. He had sealed it as bidden by his Aunt and Nokoru. After he had felt the familiar hum shoot along his heart he had even gone so far as to check, pushed by an urge to determine the truth of it.

There it had been in the same position, wrapped in the red velvet cloth and chained to stand straight in its prison. Being so close to it he felt the connection of it. As though the sword beat with his heart and lived from his oxygen.

So it had not been his sword that had called. So it was Fuma's. Which made even less sense than it should have. Nokoru had explained that by sealing the divine sword his Aunt had given him the other would be under that same prison of powerlessness. So how it was thrumming and sending out jolts Kamui didn't know.

A sigh escaped him as he leaned in the booth. He and the others were gathered into one of Yuzuriha's cafes to discuss the event. He contributed little beyond the fact he believed Fuma had reached his sword. Subaru had given him a searching look before checking out even further than Kamui.

The oddest thing was that the Kekkai hadn't been attacked. The sunrise building was one, Kamui thought, Hinoto had mentioned it along with the others. There wasn't any reason for Fuma or a dragon to attack the building besides that.

Kamui didn't stay with the others long. When he pushed from the table Sorata looked at him.

"Hey Kamui you feeling alright?"

Shock registered on Kamui's face. "I'm fine."

"There are a lot of different kinds of sickness," Sorata muttered, too low for Kamui to hear since he wasted no time in retreating.

Many kinds of sickness indeed. There were times when Sorata showed off his perceptiveness too well. Arashi was looking at him seriously and perhaps slightly admirably. Subaru thought about it briefly while his eyes tracked Kamui until he couldn't see him anymore.

"Aren't you going to follow him?"

Subaru looked up at the miko to see she was looking at him now.

"Why?"

"Because it's dangerous! We don't know when the dragons of earth will attack and if they kill Kamui-"

"We need to give him space. If we keep blocking him…" Subaru paused and sighed. "I won't follow him anymore. What he wants to do he can."

There had been too much closeness developing between him and Kamui. Subaru was ashamed to say he cared for the boy in a disturbing way, more than he cared for anyone in a long time. It was disgusting. So long as he had any strength he couldn't allow any more parallels to crop up into existence, not with anyone and certainly not Kamui.

He was far too twisted for someone as pure as Kamui. Any involvement wasn't safe.

Kamui wasn't sure how or why but his feet had somehow carried him to the diet building where the princess Hinoto drifted in dreams. As usual the room was filled with a kind of incense that coated the air and made it necessary to squint. It didn't even smell good, having a particularly ritualistic smell to it, like Subaru almost but not quiet. Subaru Kamui could tolerate, but this was different, denser and more cloying almost.

Hinoto sat in her familiar position on the tatami mats

Daisuke and the two girls, Kamui didn't know their names, were there like always, reminding him of faithful dogs forever at their masters side. He felt a little bad he didn't know their names since he'd seen them more than once. But the only reason he knew Daisuke was because they had clashed before when Kamui had been less polite to them all.

There had been times he had even gone so far at to physically threaten Hinoto, something Daisuke could never forgive without a death to settle it. He had learned to tolerate Kamui, maybe even like him since Kotori's death. But that tasted a little too close to a pity so Kamui ignored any overtures to friendship.

_Kamui it's good to see you again._

Kamui blinked and shifted. Even though she moved her lips it was still slightly uncomfortable. Hinoto's voice couldn't be heard like normal peoples could. Instead it echoed deep in his being, like a thought would or an emotion. It was awkward and unsettling though because he was acutely aware it wasn't his thoughts but an invader that didn't belong.

He found it disgusting, always had since the beginning. It didn't matter she seemed an okay person, even though she had lied and misled him from day one, proving his mistrust of her in the beginning was correct. She had done what she thought was needed just as Kamui would do.

They were both aware that if not for Fuma and Kotori, Kamui wouldn't be standing in front of her as an ally. He would have gone to the dragons of earth and Fuma would have been the leader of the seals. Kamui would have slaughtered his two important people without blinking.

At times he wondered, and it was horrible, what would have happened if he had taken that route. Would Fuma still have been the more powerful of the two or would Kamui have been the one to slaughter them both?

Powerful because Fuma had abandoned his attachments.

Kamui shook the thoughts away forcefully before Hinoto could read them. Though she had promised not to invade his thoughts anymore trust only extended so far.

_You have something to ask me right?_

Kamui blinked. "Yes. I wanted to ask you… how I make a Kekkai."

_A barrier field?_

Hinoto widened her eyes and her head tilted, hair making a small noise as it shifted to the ground. Then she nodded slightly before giving him a small, sad smile.

_You must forgive me. But I don't know how to create one. That's something you have inside yourself and you're the only one who knows how to make one._

Disappointment crossed into his brain before he covered it. He forced himself to nod in agreement even though really he wanted to demand a more satisfactory answer than a simple 'it's in you.' He had heard that and sentences like that so often he felt nauseous thinking of them.

It would have been easier if he had asked another seal but that seemed wrong to him somehow. The great and amazing leader of the seals not knowing how to make a Kekkai, laughable.

With a small sigh he decided to leave. Kamui had barely left that cloying room before he was halted again, this time by Daisuke. Kamui hid the surprise and remained stoic, adopting Subaru's mask of calm indifference. The adult had taught him more than formulas.

"What?"

"I heard what you asked Lady Hinoto."

Interest perked Kamui up. "Do you know how to make one then?"

Daisuke had the grace to look sheepish at least when he shook his head. "No I'm sorry. But my Uncle told me something before."

How this could possibly help Kamui wasn't sure. Then he recalled that Daisuke was related to Aoki and he returned his waning attention to the older teen beside him.

"He told me that his barrier came from having something he wanted to protect. The more he wanted to protect it the stronger it would become."

Kamui stared at him and he ducked his head, smiling a little as he blushed a minute. "That doesn't help you much does it?"

"No," Kamui said without thinking. Then he tensed. "I- I mean… thank you."

Daisuke grinned happily and Kamui was relieved he ignored the awkward stumbling he had done through his social transaction. It was annoying, worrying about others feelings when really he just wanted to be blunt or silent.

They were saying their goodbyes when Kamui felt a tremor. Another earthquake was ripping through the ground. The only difference was he wasn't standing on Clamp campus so this time it affected him worse.

His eyes widened as he tried to maintain his footing and not lose his dignity by falling over as vibrations stuttered up his legs and even traveled to his arms and chest. The full affect was so much worse and the screaming people that accompanied it were a headache inducing thing and his limbs were turning to jelly.

Then he felt it. Deep in his heart, piercing him in more ways than one. Fuma was near.

He scanned the sky in a mild panic, mildly desperate. There it was over the Sunrise building. A flash of an attacking dragon and he knew somehow that it was the dragon that tormented him nightly.

His feet were moving before he could control them. Dimly he was aware that Daisuke yelled after him but he ignored it. His heart was pounding but he ignored that too as it painfully slammed.

It took less than five minutes to get there, Kamui landed on the roof and barely had time to dodge as an attack was immediately launched against him being there. The debris scattered before his face and he shielded his eyes from it.

When it cleared he found himself face to face with Fuma. He was beside another boy who was kneeling down with an old man. Kamui barely saw them. His whole attention was focused on Fuma who was looking at him with a small level of surprise and Kamui felt vindictively gleeful that for once he had caught the other off guard.

It was wiped away when he heard a groan. He forced himself to focus on the kneeling boy and the old man, noticing immediately the man would die if he didn't act soon. Kamui grimaced as he sent a bolt of power out after them, forcing the boy to drop the elder or get caught up. He and Fuma dropped down together some feet away, giving Kamui the time to rush over and give the man support.

If it wasn't for the fact he was a seal he doubted he could have hefted the slightly large man, even with the abilities it was a slight struggle. Fuma was aware of it and he smirked at Kamui, sending another tremor through the building intentionally.

It was an impasse. There was no possible way he could protect the building, the man, and fight two dragons of earth. If only he could create a barrier!

The advice Daisuke had given him drifted hazily through his brain. It wouldn't work for him, if that was what was necessary. His wish wasn't to protect anything anymore. Kotori was dead and Fuma wasn't Fuma. The only wish he could conceive was the return of Fuma. Only then would he have something worth protecting again enough to wish for a barrier with all his might.

"Kamui!"

The three glanced over, Fuma shifting to avoid a blast of wind. Daisuke had followed Kamui. The teen winced and wondered what to do, who to yell at, Fuma or Daisuke. There was a part of him that knew Fuma would kill Daisuke if he didn't intervene and there was another part that was still deeply reluctant to try and harm Fuma or allow harm.

The moment when the timing could have been his was ripped when Fuma said a single word. Wires reminiscent to the ones that had prisoned Kamui before broke through the concrete and glass building, forcing him to move before he and his weight were impaled horrifically. Memory flashed as he landed only to need to shift again.

At the very least, he thought, he wasn't freezing and allowing Fuma to totally dominate. Surely there had to be some points in that.

"Entertain Kamui for me," Fuma said to the other boy before focusing on Daisuke.

Kamui heard it and wished again for a barrier, now to protect Daisuke. In that moment he prayed the other would flee before it was too late, wondered why Hinoto had allowed him to come out at all. She must have seen this.

There wasn't anything he could do as he now found himself under siege by a cloth of some kind. Kamui refocused on the boy as he dodged. The boy was posed too close for any real comfort, the cloth in his hands.

The color was an off white, not quiet tan but close enough. As Kamui watched it pulse and twist with its own kind of life it structured itself into a rotating pentagram that shifted through the slender fingers holding it.

"N-Nataku…"

Kamui glanced down at his current burden and shook his head subtly. He'd have to set the old man down somewhere. Before another attack was launched he quickly stashed him into an alcove that was next to him. Groans erupted from the older mans lips and Kamui felt a moment of pity for the way he looked, bloodied and broken.

The offensive was his best bet. This had to be finished swiftly so he could try and help Daisuke. How he would tunnel through and harm Fuma Kamui didn't know. The very idea was offensive to him.

"Who are you," Kamui demanded tensely.

"… Nataku."

Kamui barely bit back an angry retort. He could have guessed the boys name after the old man muttered it. What he had meant was who was this Nataku to Fuma. A dragon of earth surely but Kamui wasn't blind enough to miss the adoring look the boy had cast Fuma when addressed and it filled him both with a seething jealousy and also a burning sense of helplessness.

The combination made him more volatile and so he struck out with a blind carelessness, using a heavy brunt of power to send a heavy piece of concrete sailing to try and subdue this boy quickly.

Nataku didn't even move. The pentagram cloth formed suddenly before him and it was somehow enough to shatter the concrete into tiny enough shards that sprinkled rather than slammed.

Kamui cursed when it suddenly arced at him like a lunging serpent and he moved, leaping into the air only to be followed. The cloth sliced into the building and Kamui's own shoots of power were breaking off chunks that fell to the ground. The sounds of the shrieking people, startled and panicked by the falling objects, were lifted high on the wind.

He saw a blast of wind from over a section and knew Daisuke was still with Fuma. He wondered how well he was doing but only for a second before he tried to focus on Nataku again.

Too late. Tremors rocked the foundation of earth again and Kamui gasped. An image filled his whole being and became all he was aware of.

A dragon of earth roaring its victory through his very soul, sharp fangs obscenely white beneath the dark red fluid coating them. A dragon that had made a kill and was celebrating.

The moment cost him. Kamui winced as the images shattered and the cloth pierced him deeply into the shoulder. He reached up and tore it from his shoulder but he couldn't keep the grasp. His fingers released it before it ripped into the skin of his hand as it retracted to reform the pentagram.

Kamui grasped the bleeding wound, feeling it gingerly as he prepared to counter.

Before he could great hulks of wires burst free and impaled him. Kamui couldn't even scream as the pain engulfed him.

"Well Kamui? No barrier?"

Focus returned as Kamui registered the voice. Fuma was standing in front of him, holding a piece of the cloth that hung limply now, clasped in Nataku's arms. Nataku was watching Fuma carefully.

"If you don't hurry so many innocent people will die," Fuma taunted him before smiling softly. "But you can't make one, can you? You don't know how."

"How do you know that," Kamui murmured, distracted by the way his body was tensing in awareness.

Fuma reached out to him with a gentle hand, hovering it almost hesitantly before allowing it to caress Kamui's face. He refused to lean into the touch as he longed to but he couldn't stop the way his features softened.

For a brief moment it was as though the real Fuma was before him. The smile was achingly familiar and the eyes filled with warmth as they regarded Kamui from under the shade of the rather long lashes that guarded the eyes.

"If it's you I know everything."

The hand had traveled to the nape of Kamui's neck and made the younger teen shudder, reminding him of Subaru suddenly and startlingly and he wondered if Fuma somehow knew about that too. Suddenly they tangled in the locks they brushed and jerked Kamui's head to the side.

"Because I am you!"

"Fuma-"

Whatever words Kamui might have forced out never made it to the surface as lips crushed his in a bruising kiss. The angle was too awkward as for once Kamui resisted, forcing his head down instead of letting Fuma keep it tilted.

Fuma stopped yanking painfully on Kamui's now tender scalp and instead moved his hand to the front, squeezing around the neck until Kamui was forced to open his mouth to try and breath.

He stopped squeezing to push and Kamui finally surrendered, letting his head fall back as Fuma plunged his tongue into the open cavern, knowing Kamui would never conceive of biting him.

This was not very pleasant for Kamui. There was no way for him to pretend this was his Fuma, the Fuma he loved. Not with wires digging into his flesh and forcing him to remain totally still or gouge them deeper. Not with the prying eyes of Nataku watching the two of them, not with the knowledge that Fuma had just killed Daisuke.

This was too close to the first and Kamui hated it terribly. His body was the opposite, reacting to the way Fuma played it with only a few moves. There wasn't a way for him to resist when he succumbed, not kissing back but not resisting, remaining pliant and bendable as a reed.

Fuma was aware of the new laxity of Kamui's body and knew he had performed another thorough job of screwing with the seals mind. It was all he seemed capable of putting real time into, thinking of new ways to make the teen submit more completely each and every time.

He tore away to bite and suckle the place he had learned would turn Kamui to jelly immediately no matter how painful Fuma got. Fuma had been unbearably patient these last few weeks and though Nataku had proved to be a fascinating distraction Fuma was tied to Kamui by fate. He had known he was torturing Kamui by ignoring him, had felt the agony Kamui got caught in when Fuma smiled at him pleasantly in school only to be cold in the other departments.

It had been annoying. He had believed he could be strong about it, that his desire to possess the body could be tempered by his need to torment the mind. Desire for Kamui's body had been a leftover, he felt, from the old Fuma. Though it had proved to be an excellent tool to wield against the emotionally unstable seal Fuma himself had always been in control.

Yet even when he supposedly ignored the younger he had always been watching, both through the odd connection the two had and also literally. He had watched the growing closeness between Kamui and the other seals, most particularly the older one with green eyes.

He wasn't overly concerned about that. The way Kamui was now proved Fuma still dominated him and would continue to do so until the promised day when Fuma would plunge Kamui into the grave. Until then he would amuse himself at his own twisted leisure.

Subaru wasn't too shocked by what he and Aoki landed in. Aoki immediately went to his limp nephew's body. Subaru remained focused on the scene of Kamui wrapped in their main enemies' arms. Blood was dripping as Kamui struggled in random bursts before the struggles ceased. Subaru witnessed the transition from unwilling participant to painful surrender, Kamui going limp suddenly and completely.

Before more damage could be inflicted, both physically and mentally, Subaru cast a quick chant. Fuma became aware of his presence as did his young companion as the brunt of it forced them to move away from Kamui.

"Get away from Kamui," he said with as much authority as he could muster.

Fuma turned to glare at him in frustration but that wasn't what Subaru saw. It wasn't a teenager he saw.

"Seishiro…"

The image evaporated and he shook himself, bringing his hands together to call forth his Kekkai. It rose around them all and the sunrise building, shooting into the sky and casting an eerie white color to everything, the sudden silence enveloping and terrifying as the sounds of the world faded.

Fuma regarded him in a calculating way, the same way Seishiro had done when he revealed the truth, coldly analyzing.

"Keep an eye on Kamui," he told his companion who nodded obediently, moving to stand beside the seal again.

Subaru allowed himself to look at Kamui again, swallowing as he catalogued the injuries. He was more concerned with the emotion ranging across the face.

Some tears had begun to swim in the amber orbs but Kamui was refusing to give in to them again even as self disgust flickered across his face. Subaru felt complete sympathy.

He would spare Kamui all of this if only he could…

"The swiftest way to destroy a barrier is to kill the creator," Fuma said, landing near him.

Subaru kept his stoicism in place even though it was dangerously close to fracturing. When Fuma made his first attack Subaru feinted to the left, dodging the repeated blows. As he shifted easily he tossed scrolls until he had his trap laid.

Finally Subaru landed and spun to face his foe. Fuma was suddenly Seishiro again but he ignored it as he brought his hands together again to bring the pentagram spell to life.

Fuma glanced around as he found himself trapped in a smaller barrier field, a smile crossing his tightly thinned lips. He wanted this finished so he could return to tormenting his Kamui, possibly so this time he could do the thing guaranteed to shatter him to the point not even this onmyoji could rescue him.

"You need to concentrate or you'll lose this Kekkai," Fuma taunted him and suddenly he was Seishiro again.

He gasped and the spell was lost as Fuma smiled like him and even said his name.

The dragon of earth wasted no time, surging forward and shoving Subaru back, sending a crashing bolt of energy through him to paralyze him. The onmyoji crumpled, dimly aware Kamui was roused, shrieking his name, knowing he had to remain strong for his sake but unable to get past the face now.

Kamui was thrashing in the bonds and Nataku watched him blankly, only a single moment of surprise as blood splattered him as well.

"Why are you doing that," he asked in genuine curiosity. "You'll hurt yourself more."

Kamui snarled at him with enough force to topple a mountain, "I won't let anyone else die for me!"

Fuma had grabbed Subaru, lifting him by the collar, looking deep into his eyes.

"I'll grant you your wish."

The words registered but Subaru didn't process them correctly as he watched fingers draw back before plunging, imbedding deep into his right socket. He didn't scream as he felt a piece of himself settle down.

This had been a wish of his. Not a major one, it had been more of a small notion that had struck him once, to be blind as Seishiro was. He was aware of the blood that flowed as Fuma withdrew, knowing full well that now he would deliver a death blow, knowing too the Kekkai was crumbling.

Before he could a great surge ripped the air and Subaru was left to fall back to the ground. The pain hit him against his back as it jarred painfully and also slammed into his skull.

He turned his head to see Kamui standing on his own, free from the bonds but bleeding horribly. Nataku had been forced away. It was either a tactful retreat or to be pulverized by the terrific surge Kamui had just sent, causing more damage to the now defenseless area, making huge dents into the building and sending parts of it crashing.

Subaru had always known Kamui had strength that made a mockery of his and the other seals, he had felt a little of it in the dream world where Kamui retreated. This was on a whole other scale.

Fuma studied Kamui now. The teen wasn't submitting again. It irked him. It baffled him how he was standing at all but then again he wasn't going to dwell on it.

It would be better to perform a tactful retreat. His time to torment Kamui had been spoiled by the arrival of the other seals and it didn't seem Kamui was willing to play so nicely a second time for the night.

The very second Fuma was gone with Nataku and he couldn't feel their energies Kamui crumpled. He expected to hit the cold ground but he was caught seconds before he landed.

Kamui would have opened his eyes but he wasn't capable of it. Instead darkness clung around him, growing denser and finally dotting out both light and sound.

Subaru was trembling slightly as he glanced down at Kamui. His body was protesting the movement but he had reacted without thought, moving swiftly to prevent Kamui further injury.

His right eye was bleeding and his lids had closed over it, refusing to open. It was slightly awkward, the feel of it. Not to mention the loss of sight was more startling then he had expected it to be, more confusing. Not nearly as confusing as his swimming thoughts.

He was aware of Aoki stepping up beside him on his now impaired side and he used his senses to tell him that the man was clutching the body of Daisuke.

He apologized for being no help in the battle. Subaru didn't hold the fact against the seal, shrugging it off. If it had been Kamui laying broken Subaru doubted he could have been much use for a certain time. the idea and thought were an anathema to him so he quickly knocked them aside, telling himself he would sort it out later.

The two waited silently after that together until they heard the sounds of the chopper Nokoru had sent to collect them.

End chapter

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_**Author note:**_ this was a mixture of the anime and manga. In the manga Subaru was the one more beaten up but in the anime it was Kamui and to do this story it had to be poor Kamui who got the beat down to the point of unconsciousness. Sadly that meant I had to include Daisuke and I had zero clue what to do with Aoki so I just made him go silently cry over him or something because he didn't do anything noteworthy in the anime I can recall.

I mostly just wanted to give Kamui some balls back in this when it came to Fuma. Sure it took Subaru having his eye gouged out but hey… better late than never, Kamui?

Now that this is out of the way though I can have a few chapters that don't rely so heavily on written scenes in the manga or anime. I mean come on, some form of bonding over the fact Subaru lost his eye and Kamui having an attachment to an abusive person is a given right?

Anyway see you next time!


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